


Dance of the Calico Bird

by jaenosmaid



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Angst, Bottom Na Jaemin, Fate & Destiny, First Meetings, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Pirates, Prince Na Jaemin, Rebirth, Sad Na Jaemin, Smut, Suicide Attempt, Top Lee Jeno, captain!jeno
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:01:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 43,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27698026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaenosmaid/pseuds/jaenosmaid
Summary: Legends said love fixed what hate left broken. For boys like Jaemin, who would fade within a breath, opening up his heart to a stranger wasn't even an option to begin with.AU where Prince Jaemin has lost his mother, his crown and desire to live. When he finally jumps off to harsh, raging sea, death doesn't come within. A new life does, though, with a hazel eyed, wild and gentle hearted pirate.
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 34
Kudos: 263





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone better stop me I can't stop writing nomin. This was supposed to be just my pure guilty pleasure of pirate jeno but it turned out angst and something heavier. Read the tags pls it contains suicide and suicidal thoughts. And there's no smut this chapter I had to cut that part bc it was getting way too long. It will be around 3-4 chapters perhaps even shorter but I want to flesh them out well.
> 
> [Jaemin's song yup](https://youtu.be/DdDNY0hnA9E)
> 
> Check the lyrics from comments it's just very good and reminds jaemin of this fic.
> 
> Be careful reading. Excuse the mistakes.

Jaemin's mother told him a story once. About a bird that was locked up in a cage for years, watching the sky from behind the bars. It longed for freedom so much that was the only thing bird ever dreamed of. When the birds managed to run away someday, finally to the arms of sky, it couldn't fly. It fell and fell, until broken wings hit onto a puddle and laid dead on the surface. When Jaemin asked his mother why the bird couldn't fly, his mom told him that if you kept something locked away for too long, you forgot them. The bird's dreams were all about freedom but it forgot how to fly. How freedom felt. Wings couldn't carry the bird, only dropping it somewhere so faraway from the sky. Almost reaching the stars yet falling before touching them.

Jaemin felt the same way. His wings were broken, feathers plucked, it was bleeding from where they sheared off. In the middle of crowd, his heart stopped beating for a moment, the last beat ringing in his ears. Then it started beating so hard his chest was shaking, his ears were buzzing, the world around him was exploding. He was in a circle of fire and burning down to his cores, nothing was left from him, not even his ashes. It happened to him quite often, sometimes he would collapse and lay unconscious for hours but not even those times were peaceful to him. Out of his safe cage that he grew up with, a mother of lovely eyes and sweet smiles, Jaemin was homeless in a place his relatives called home. 

Jaemin looked at the flowers in the garden. The violets, lavenders, sunflowers that bloomed in Ilyrana. He would make a bouquet of them for his mom and give it to her whenever she felt down. Her favourite were the daffodils but she accepted everything with same joy when her dear son tried to make her happy. The beautiful smile on her face was alight, giving life to each flower so they would never fade. It would give Jaemin a reason to live as well, sometimes he would curl up in the corner of her smile and sleep there. Safe and cozy, feeling of being loved embracing his whole body.

Now the flowers didn't smell, they didn't look pretty, they were wilted with the absence of brightest sun, essence of life. Somebody had broken their cage and separated them, never to meet again, never to hug and touch each other and it was what drove Jaemin crazy.

Even after five years, he still couldn't comprehend the fact that they took his mother from him. Queen Alesha of Ilyrana, killed in the name of adultery so the King could marry another woman he was interested at the moment.

Everybody forgot and moved on, but not Jaemin. He never looked away from the marble where his mother was murdered, and he memorised it so well even when he was sleeping, it was the only thing he could see. Sight of a young, pretty woman, mother to one, queen to thousands, got her head chopped by a man clad in black and her blood dripping down the silver marble which still had its dry marks. Jaemin wasn't allowed to look away, to forget what happened to her. Everyone called him forgotten prince but he never forgot, he just stayed quiet so he wouldn't give more joy to the predators that surrounded him in the palace.

He looked at his father and his wife drinking wine in high platform, happy smiles, boisterous laughters, romantic eyes. It had been so long but Jaemin still remembered the same way his father used to look at his mother. Men like him used women until they were satisfied and got rid of them without a remorse. A small kid ran around their table, getting a peck by his mother and kept disturbing the rest of guests. Queen's kid, five years old, was born a year after his mother's death. The boy Jaemin lost his crown to, but it really didn't matter. Another thing he couldn't forget was the loud applauds when his mother was beheaded, and he would prefer set the whole Ilyrana on fire instead of ruling over them. 

When Queen caught his eyes, her smile froze as if she witnessed a wild animal. Jaemin knew the scent of fear and she carried it everywhere Jaemin was present, heart full of worry about the death that could visit her slyly, quietly but if he would ever kill her, he wouldn't be so silent. He would make sure even the gods at the sky and bottom of sea heard her cries when he slit her throat open, flayed her flesh and left her to die in pain. He would do worse things to his father, but Jaemin was way past seeking revenge. 

Nothing could bring back his mother. Nothing else mattered. Even if those traitors lived or died, no god could return his mother.

"Your Majesty, Lord Minho wants to speak to you alone," someone whispered in his ear, and he looked up to see a tall, handsome man waiting down the platform reserved for royalty. He blankly looked away, indifferent as ever. 

"I don't care."

"But your Majesty-" The servant shut up when Jaemin shot her a look. Those lords only wanted him because he was a prince, no longer the heir to the throne but a key to Ilyrana and its wealth. No sweet words and gentlemen antics would delude Jaemin to become the puppet of high lords. 

He wasn't sure if it was his cousin or Queen's brother's name day event, but he was already sick of it, not that he enjoyed in the first place. He wanted to kill the ugly fools that made two monsters laugh even louder, spewing their wine everywhere with no delicacy of a king and queen. From the looks of other people, they seemed to think same way. They were a disgrace to crown but Ilyrana exactly deserved useless ill creatures like them. Altogether, they would bring their magnificent end and Jaemin didn't plan to live long enough to witness that collapse. He would go where his mother was waiting for him, at the gates of Underworld protected by Guardians of Fate because Jaemin couldn't endure it any longer. Everyday, the hollow in his chest deepened and sucked him in the dark pit of solitude and agony.

It was a pain etched in his heart. Silence that landed at the tip of his tongue. Blindness that blacked out his sight. It was the longing, the way he was looking out for the last memory of his mother. His mother whom he carefully placed in the dearest room of his broken heart, so nothing could catch her, nothing could harm her again. Even after her death, she kept living in his chest but everyday, her shadow became slighter and weaker and now, it was at the verge of completely fading away. Jaemin would accompany his mother this time.

He recalled standing up and everybody looking at him either in awe or uneasiness because he was Na Jaemin, the son of Queen Alesha, the most beautiful woman in the world and so many told he was a replicated shape of her. On the other hand, he was Na Jaemin, son of a traitor whose name was forbidden to mention out loud because King banned it. He couldn't face the ugly truth he did to her: killed his wife based on a false rumor he created in order to get rid of her. Even if Jaemin would forgive, he wouldn't forget. Even if he forgot, he wouldn't forgive. There was no middle ground.

"Where are you going, Jaemin?" King called out after him, to which he didn't even listen to and kept walking until he left the area. With a tight hand, he grabbed the crown on his head and threw somewhere away, continuing his walk to the palace as people opened the way for him. Inside the palace was silent, eerie and lonely, only times Jaemin liked staying here because he hated seeing those people, having to endure their pitiful eyes, sneers and baseless rumors. They couldn't leave him on his own, and he despised being the target of their unasked feelings. Last thing he needed was the sick mindset of peasants forced onto him. They never let him rest, never let him mourn his mother, never let him lament her murderers, never let him go on. They trapped him inside this palace and expected him to be grateful that he was stripped off his mother, his life, his right to the throne because this was how mighty they thought of themselves. He should be grateful that he's alive, but he didn't even live. 

He swallowed deep when he got into his room, his mother's old room. There was no trace of her, not anymore. They took her everything, her jewelry, her dresses, her scent, her presence. Only thing left of his mother was the silver marble her head rolled over after she was beheaded. Only thing left of her was Jaemin, as he dearly took care of her in his heart but it hurt so much. Where was she now? Last time Jaemin ever looked into her eyes, she was frightened that they would harm him, that he would also share her fate. They murdered her in front of him, he was only thirteen and he had to witness her execution, as he ran the room he was locked inside because his father thought he was too considerate to not let his son watch that scene. 

He sat by the sofa and looked at himself in the mirror. He had forbidden the mirrors into his room but they kept bringing another whenever he broke one as if shoving the truth into his face. He hated seeing himself, he hated his face, his body, his resemblance with his mother who wasn't alive anymore. Everything about him belonged to her, the greatest masterpiece she achieved, as his mother always told him because Queen Alesha's precious son was sweet, gentle, smart and best of his classes and trainings. This Jaemin lacked all of them now, no longer the innocent, mother's son he used to be. When she died, all the good things about him died with her. Jaemin had no importance when she was dead. 

Out of all facial features, he hated his eyes the most. Different coloured huge eyes, purple with yellow along the bottom curve of his pupil. His mother's eyes used to be yellow-blue, and it was the only difference between them as he took her soft blond hair, tan skin and reputable beauty. _If I'm alive, she should be too. Why did they take her from me?_ His father had promised, he had given up on them way after they dropped him and found solace in each other as mother and son but he had to ruin it for his own ambitions. He got married to her only for a strong alliance, tossed her aside when he found another woman, and killed her at the end. It was scary how a woman's life was ruined so easily, as if she was a ragdoll to throw here and there and kick her out if you're done and satisfied. 

There was nothing he could do, and it was what hurt most because it'd been five years, everybody moved on from her death, everybody forgot the queen who gave the folk food and water supply, without knowing that she was later beaten for feeding the peasants by their lovely, decent king. They did know nothing and Jaemin detested their ignorance, their small lives. They believed whatever the superior told them: all it took was King saying his Queen cheated on him and they all cheered for her execution in the name of adultery. When she was labelled bad once, every good thing she did was swept under the rug. Jaemin hoped they all would choke on what she provided them, they didn't deserve any of these and if Jaemin was a little older, he'd prevent her from pitying those bastards and leave them to die from starvation.

He glanced at himself again and sighed deeply, his pain coming out in shuffles. His eyes hooked in the daffodil petal over the desk, his mother's favourite flower. She used to breed them in the garden. As she helped servants water the plants, Jaemin would run through short flowers and surprise his mother with loud shrieks. Showcasing her prettiest smile, she would tap his face with soft daffodils and warn him to be careful because if something ever happened to him, she couldn't live, and vice versa. 

"Maids!" He called out, seeing the door fly open from the corner of his eye. It wasn't often that he talked to maids and asked something from them. He was used to take care of himself on his own and he hated people entering the sacred room of his mother. Nobody ever dared before, and Jaemin had an idea to keep it that way forever. That cheap peasant his father married to always wanted this room for herself, as it was the most magnificent, gorgeous chambers in the palace and Jaemin insulted her in front of everyone. Even though it earned him a slap from his father, the whore never looked towards the room ever again. "Prepare the bath."

They left with the order and he kept sitting there, fingers tapping his lap, eyes roaming around freely, for one last time before all of these burned down. His mother wouldn't want him to harm anyone, but Jaemin could never deceive himself with sweet lies about being a good person. Whoever did him wrong deserved to die, suffer the worst way possible and Jaemin wouldn't even stay to watch their end. Each moment, another second, another day he spent in Ilyrana made him sick. He felt so full of hatred in this place surrounded by liars. They were so fucking pathetic that his hate and grudge raged with fervour. 

He took his sweet time bathing, roughly scrubbing his skin, despite the fact that he was as clean as always. He washed himself the same way his mother did when he was a child, when he would come from playing with his friends clad in mud and dirt and she herself would would take him to bath and scrub his skin until he was all clean to his cells. After putting him in puffy towels, she would dry his hair and kiss his plump cheeks and it was heaven on earth for Jaemin. He never knew a life beyond his mother, they took shelter in each other when they were abandoned by the king one called father, other called husband. Jaemin lost his way in darkness after she left with all her light.

Maids stared at him when he left the bath in a towel, marched the hall and entered his chambers. The name day entertainment continued outside as it was evening now, sunset just beyond the horizon. He stared at the sun and pretty colours through window, fascinated by what a beautiful world existed but not for him. There was no place in world for Jaemin when he was stuck in the prison of his grief. There were no new beginnings for boys like him; dark, ugly and petty. He couldn't try running towards the horizon when he couldn't even look up from his bleeding heart and he hated the way his path got drenched in blood whenever he walked somewhere that didn't lead to his mother.

It would all end soon. He took off the towel and walked up to the wooden trunk near bedside. There was only one thing inside, only thing they didn't steal from him, his mother's white gown, which wasn't used in years. He stroked over the cotton, leaned his nose to find her smell but there was nothing. Just like her, everything about her was long gone. He gulped roughly and stood up, changing into the dress. His mother was a tall, lean woman, and her gown seemed to fit him just perfect. It tore him apart, how something left of her was suitable for him. If she was alive, she'd sew him hundreds of dresses. But he couldn't have it again.

He tucked his chin-length hair in a pin and put the daffodil on the bed, leaning by the edge. He closed his eyes and prayed the gods that their reunion would be soon, before the sun dawned and moon set. He prayed for his suffering to end so he could rest in peace by his mother's side, away from evil people that destroyed their lives. Killed a queen and left a boy motherless at the age thirteen. His father, his wife, their child all could go to hell. They would go to hell.

When he opened his eyes, all the memories hid behind his irises. He straightened up and swallowed, then one by one, he toppled the candlesticks. As flames spread and caught a fire, he was walking out of the room, closing the door and marching quiet halls as nobody noticed the hell that came at their feet. He didn't forget toppling every torch on his way seeing the white tules of halls burn silently. It was too noisy in the garden. This loud, big festivity. One would think it's a sign of happiness but it was just a made-up pomp to hide the sorrow and malice of this palace. All those people who had fun outside had such rusted, dark hearts that their names couldn't even be seen. Killing them, hopefully some of them, would be a grace to earth. 

Ilyrana's palace was built over the huge rocks of mountain, the steel-grey ground directly leading to the harsh, raging sea at the bottom. There were bigger rocks at the sea, one that he couldn't survive once he jumped and that was all he needed. A pain that would make him forget everything, lead him to his death, then his mother who patiently waited for him. _We will reunite soon_. He walked across the rocks barefoot, not caring the way they began bleeding and aching with the roughness of ground. As palace stayed behind, the flames that spread the entire floor could be seen, red sparkles giving colour to the black night and sky that couldn't wait to tumble upon his head. Sky wasn't freedom, it was his cage and at the bottom of sea, he wished to never see the face of sun again. Fake sun that never shined upon him. 

When he reached the highest cliff, Jaemin stood just a step away from falling off and took in a deep breath. Was it raining? Rain was his world. When it rained, Jaemin no longer had to go out and see people he wished to never see. Rain chained him in his room, his mother's room and he could stay here forever if the rain continued. He only realized it wasn't raining when he tasted salty drops. It was warm tears that washed his newly moisturised face and he hated how his plans were always ruined this way. They wouldn't be ruined anymore, as he took another step, looked down at the cobalt, scary sea and sighed deeply. The waves would finally bring him peace.

When he jumped off, everything went black. It took plenty of time to climb but only seconds to fall. It was how world worked. No matter how hard you fought and lived, your death always came easy. All it mattered was the fact that he no longer would live with his mother's murderers, nor had to endure their mercy and mockery. Death had taken his mother too early, too unexpected and Jaemin couldn't do anything to stop it, he was too weak. But at least, after five years, he could be her side. He could finally be free of his shackles and run this cage of tears. 

When raging sea sucked his body in, filling into his mouth, swaying him over the rocks, Jaemin was smiling through tears that melded with sea. _Love fixes what hate leaves broken,_ his mother had read from the book. _Highest throne a man can get is the ecstasy of love on his admonishing heart._ She said that it worked for her because only feeling that replaced her hatred for King was the presence of his son. Jaemin healed her, loved her, cared for her, and they killed her when finally she was purified of hate that had been suffocating her. 

Hate was too good at seducing people but sparking love in back was the hardest thing. Jaemin couldn't succeed it. He was consumed, worn out and torn apart by his hatred that only grew bigger and bigger and this suffering wouldn't end unless god of death himself came to take his life. 

He dreamed of his mother in the garden, picking flowers, watering plants with the loveliest smile on her face. All the times she laid him over his soft bed, sang him to sleep, read him stories and fairytales with her soft, tiffany voice. She would never let Jaemin's bones crack as he struck the rocks, feeling himself split in two, his puke gushing out. She would never let him drown in angry waves as his weak body lost conscious and swung in water. She would never let go of Jaemin's hand if she was here and she wasn't, so it was time to let it go.

Jaemin welcomed death with open arms. But it never came. The day went colder, darker, less vibrant and that was how he realised he was still alive.

When Jaemin woke up, first thing he thought was that the place smelled bad, like fish, salt and sea. Spicy, sharp smell filled into his nostrils and made him cough, grimacing his pained face that ached, feeling sore all over because for some reason, he didn't die. He felt so lightheaded and weak that he couldn't even get angry at the fact that he did not die. They found me, he thought through the haze of agony. They brought him back to palace, Ilyrana, but he burned it down. Didn't he? With the hope and wish of everyone witnessing their home burn and kill some of them, he toppled all the torches. They were all the murderers of his mother, a less painful death couldn't even be mentioned.

He felt something wet on his face and body, grazing over his cold flesh, so cold that he was probably hypothermic. It was the middle of winter in Ilyrana right now, but Jaemin never truly felt the cold due to the fire that killed him inside and out. But he did feel the cold right now, as ruthless monsters gnawed at his body and went underneath the skin, flooding into his veins to spread more pain. His toes curled and hands twisted, some bruises on his legs making it impossible to move because he wanted so badly to kick around and release all the tension that was built inside of him. Why was he still breathing? _I should have died. I should have tripped over the edge, cracked my head open over the rocks_ and the sea should have buried his corpse at the bottom that no sunlight could reach. 

He didn't want to taste sunlight again, but it was now shining all over him. In a little ray, he saw his mother's face reflect through, head stitched back to her throat as the injury kept bleeding. _Your wings are in your heart, Nana. Use them before giving up too soon._

He cried out, sobbing pitifully as his heavy arms twitched to reach out and touch her. He hadn't seen her in five years, where was she? Even with her injury, she was still Jaemin's angel without wings. _I have no wings. I only had you._ She was the only thing he had, only parent, only friend, only reason to live. When he noticed the only thing that made her happy was him, he began excelling at everything so he could make her proud, to see that flowery smile fill her face with sweetness. He didn't even need to do anything to make her happy, his mere existence was more than enough but it took time to learn this. And when he did, they hadn't had much time left before they took them apart.

Next time Jaemin woke up, unsure of time, situation, whereabouts, he could at least move his hands but his sight was still blurry. Had he gone blind? When he tried listening carefully, his mind reeled and pounded heavily but Jaemin managed to hear some noises with dizziness. Little speeches that he wasn't able to make out but they belonged to humans. Fear gripped his body tightly and coiled him. They found him. They had him again and this time, he doubted he had the power to run away as he couldn't even see. He cried to see his mother again, almost ashamed of his situation, because he was eighteen years old and expected a dead mother to take care of him. He did everything to be one with his mother again, why couldn't the gods let it happen?

Jaemin had no idea how days passed as he remained unknown to the world, his surroundings, his own health and presence. It felt like he was watching himself through a glass but he still couldn't see himself, make out his own injured figure. All he knew was the fact that he should have died, no way a human could survive falling over those rocks, and even if he did, the sea should have swallowed him right there. Gods were playing with him and it made him feel like a weakling who was good for nothing. All he wanted was finally finding the peace of death and not even it could happen.

"Does he hear us?"

"I don't think so. He is fucking dead."

"He's not fucking dead, Jisung. His chest is moving, that means he is breathing and his eyes are opening-"

Jaemin was startled by loud screams, unconsciously jumping with fear as blurry sight of two young boys invaded his eyes. He couldn't fully open his eyes and see their faces well enough to make out their features but they didn't sound familiar, as their shrieks got lost in distance along with their bodies. He wanted to tell them to shut up but he couldn't move his lips properly, let alone saying a word of wisdom. He blankly stared somewhere until other noises came within, fondling his rusty ears. How long had it been since he tried to kill himself and failed miserably? Was it his father coming to scold him? 

"Oh, you look better, blondie," a girly voice talked, disfigured shadow leaning over him. "You seem to hear us, don't you?" 

He didn't know what he did, perhaps waved some fingers or twisted his tight face but she understood him, letting out a pleased hum. "Good boy, you are recovering well."

"Jen, he's half-dead," somebody else said, and Jaemin's heart squeezed painfully. Being full dead was the purpose but he fucked up everything. "He hasn't been reacting to shit for weeks now, perhaps we should just end his misery and stop his pain."

Jaemin was surprised, to say at least. It had been weeks since he jumped off, laying on the same bed and barely managing to start hearing only today. What had happened to him? He noticed some hints in their conversation, calling him blondie, sounding too informal unlike the physicians and servants of Ilyrana as if they didn't know who he was. They didn't know him, he wasn't in the palace. The realization quickened the pace of his heart, ripping his wounded ribcages and forging his chest. Something was happening. Jaemin should have died, not being tended by a bunch of strangers.

"I don't think he feels the pain of his body," girl, Jen, said, sounding upset and Jaemin physically felt the heaviness of her gaze. "He is only feeling the shadows that fog up his beautiful eyes."

"They look weird. What colour are they?"

Jaemin closed his half-lidded eyes when he got taut, nervous around the strangers who talked about him as if he wasn't just here. They noticed his action and shut up, moving around the room, touching his body. He was in a stranger's territory that kept moving, shaking, swinging, and loud noises of harsh waves annoyed him at nights. He was in a ship. Why the fuck was he in a ship? He sometimes saw his mother in his dreams or visions, he wasn't sure which one it was, but never with the stitched head in his first daydream. Unlike the vividness of that image, she was shallow with the rest, almost ghostly. She was a ghost, they killed her years ago and her soul must be resting right now. It drove Jaemin crazy that he wasn't with her, in her safe arms, her sweet voice singing him a lullaby. Why the gods did not let them reunite? 

When Jaemin fully opened his eyes and looked around, he felt like a newborn baby watching the world with curious, ignorant eyes. He was in a downstairs cabin of ship, small and sickly because of him. He had been staying here for weeks and engulfed the whole room with his aura, smell and incense that kept burning at his feet. He wanted to cast it down but only his bare toes moved under the blanket when he tried, quickly noticing that he was fully naked and his open bruises itched as the blanket grazed him.

When a face was shoved into his own, Jaemin blinked surprisingly, leaning back slightly to run those piercing round eyes. It was her, the girl, Jen who tended him. She had tucked her curly hair under a bandana, dark smeared make up making her eyes look even more emerald and huge. She was pretty, and she was the first human Jaemin saw with his two eyes lately.

"You can see me," she said happily, smiling, gums showing. "Chenle, go tell Captain that our guest is thriving!"

"He really is not but-"

"Go!" She hissed and Jaemin heard someone run off, the room was abandoned until he turned his head to look to the side. "Can you try speaking, blondie? Your hearing and sight are decent, we should make sure you can speak as well."

Jaemin looked at her again, opening his mouth but he had forgotten how to form a sentence. Only whimpers came out when he tried talking and it tinted him pink with embarrassment, annoyance and sadness. What had he done to himself while trying to die? Why was it always him? When strong, heavy steps shook the cabin, Jaemin blinked and looked at where Jen had looked. Raven haired man had dark make up to make his hazel eyes stand out even more, but he didn't think it was necessary. Young man approached the bed, knelt by the edge and frowned at Jaemin as if all the sins in the world stemmed from him alone. 

"Don't scare the boy, captain," Jen warned, though Jaemin wasn't scared. He had seen his mother die, her bloody head roll over to his feet, own father taking his crown from him, a stranger whore invading his home and landing on what belonged to his mother. Nothing could get under his skin anymore. Captain shot her a look and turned back to Jaemin, halting as he stared deep into his eyes, then his face, slowly taking in his features.

"Do we have any ideas about who he is?" Captain asked, sounding much softer than Jaemin expected. They really didn't know who he was. "Can't you still talk? Give us a hint about where you're from so we can take you home."

Jaemin blinked, gulping roughly, wanting to ask where they were. Going back to Ilyrana wasn't even an option to start with. If he would die in a stranger's ship, he wouldn't care because as long as death embraced him wherever he died wasn't important at all. So he tried to speak, force himself to let out a little word. _Ilyrana_. Where was Ilyrana? Should he expose his identity to those people who seemed like pirates? They were definitely pirates, considering the way they dressed and wore messy make-up. Jaemin stilled when he saw hazel eyes watching him carefully.

"We are from Lofar, you must know the biggest pirate haven in world," Jen said and Jaemin scowled as much as his pained face let him. He had never heard of a place like Lofar, didn't sound like something fit to his world. "It is located between Estela and Ryuu kingdoms and it's the biggest island in the world. Don't you really know?"

Jaemin scowled deeper. Estela? Ryuu? He had never heard of them, there were no such places in his world. _In my world_. He looked at Captain and girl, they were humans, they looked the same with him but it wasn't Jaemin's world. A bead of worry pooled in his stomach and crawled under his skin like a lethal serpent, poisoning him brutally. Something was very wrong and he had no idea what to do. While wishing to die, he ended up in another world. 

"He still can't talk," Captain grumbled, standing up all in his might. He was the picture perfect image of bad guys Jaemin's mother warned him about. Wildness flew within his blood, closer to him than his life essence. Bad guys like him, pirates of rough seas, did not have mercy for poor souls like Jaemin who was apparently at the brink of dying for them, but for some reason Captain let him stay. He was probably thinking about something to do with Jaemin. "Inform me about his progress."

When he left, two other boys entered inside and scanned him with much interest that Jaemin wondered how he must have looked to catch their attention very attentively.

"He looks so young," one of them said, walking forward as his orange hair swayed cutely. He was small but looked no less wilder than Captain. "Do we know his name?"

"Didn't he have any accessories on him?" Other one asked, another young, cute boy who didn't seem like he belonged to a pirate ship.

"You guys are so bright, thinking of everything we wouldn't even imagine." Jaemin turned to Jen when she mused, holding a wet towel and wiping Jaemin's leg that peeked out of blanket. He shuddered upon seeing how much blood dappled the towel. His legs were full of bruises and open wounds that slightly shed blood, but seemed to be able to recover despite poor treatment. "Does it hurt? I'm sorry if it does, I should cleanse your injuries so you won't catch any infections which is most likely in this damned ship."

"I'll send the boys to clean the cabin. He should thank Sicheng and Jaehyun for giving up their special room for him later," orange haired noted, leaving Jaemin look at Jen with curious eyes. She smiled at him upon noticing his concern.

"Sicheng is the Quartermaster of ship, the second in rank after Captain. Jaehyun is the Sailing Master, they have been together for ages now and are sharing this cabin as the coupling swans of Blackheart."

In a short amount of time Jaemin was forced to stay alive and recover, he learned many things about the ship and its crew and their world. Blackheart was the ship's name, with the figurehead of a dark angel of death, to which he found ridiculous. To the crew, the figurehead was seen as lucky charm, representing not only the eyes of the ship guiding them safely home but also the spirit of the vessel as well. Jeno was the Captain, Lee Jeno, the Butcher of Lofar as Jen, his sister, kept telling his story of becoming the most feared man in Lofar and its illegal owner. The same boy that had drawn a knife across his predecessor’s throat before climbing over his body in order to reach the top of the system when he was only fifteen, holding his sister's hand through everything.

As far as Jen said, her full name was Jennie but she went by nickname, they didn't search for treasures often as most of time they were just made up lies but if Sailing Master Jaehyun believed there was a good chance of truth within, the crew would go for it. As a crew, they made all the decisions together; on a ship full of murderers, bandits, and thieves, most decisions were determinated by voting. 

In the crew, everybody had same rights, and their roles and duties were appointed, only according to their abilities and knowledge. They were expected to master at sword and pistol fighting, to which Jaemin let out an unconscious _huh_ when she told him about it. She looked merry that he was able to make sounds but Jaemin was wondering what the hell was a pistol. They didn't have such things in Ilyrana and rest of his world. Thankfully, Jen understood him as always.

"Oh, you haven't seen pistols?" She pulled out a weird weapon, small and lightweight. "It is a gun based on the flintlock mechanism. I can shoot whoever and whatever I want with right aim and it is powerful enough to kill a man. Isn't it great? Jeno gave this as my eighteenth birthday gift. He is using our predecessor's cobalt pistol, the best in the entire world."

She sometimes called him Captain or Jeno, it didn't matter. She stayed with Jaemin most of time and took care of him. As she claimed, she knew some healer tactics learned from the surgeons of Crystal Castle, their home located at the east of Lofar. They were the heart of entire Lofar, ruling the island with all the men, gangs, other pirates and sailors. It was weird for Jaemin to see such a weird monarchy that didn't consist a king or queen, but he thought Jeno was already kind of a king considering everything that was told about him.

Jaemin became better in time, and he began asking for water or food despite the painful sore of his throat. Other than that, he didn't feel quite a pain on his body, it was almost as if he was apathetic. He should be because he failed himself and his mother. He couldn't even manage dying, what kind of an inaptitude was that? When he saw his mother in his dreams, apathy vanished and agony returned. She was so faraway, beyond the horizon, over the moon, swinging on the clouds Jaemin could never come close to. He cried pained tears into the pillow, begging the gods to take him with her, not leave him in this stranger world. He hated having to live in odd places he didn't feel belonging to. All Jaemin wanted was ending his misery and meeting his mother again. They were forcefully separated, and their roads were drawn by others and for once, Jaemin made his own decision to die but he failed.

Sometimes he remembered their memories together, the garden, the chambers, the flower, daffodils that burned down a palace. _I hope they all are dead,_ he silently wished. He didn't know where they were, if they stayed back, how far away Jaemin was in a stranger, different world but he thought if he was alive, going back to Ilyrana wasn't even an option. If jumping didn't work, there surely were other ways to kill himself.

"Crew members are annoyed by your cries." 

Jaemin shuddered with the voice and looked up in darkness, only an oil lamp illuminating the cabin. By the door stood Captain Jeno, or Butcher of Lofar as inferiors referred to him but Jaemin wasn't one of them. He was able to say some words and form short sentences in last days but talking to this man wasn't a need. He watched Jeno walk inside, his steps shaking the creaky floor, eyes lingering on his weak, disfigured body. By the little window, he sat down on chair roughly, hazel eyes glowing brown in the darkness, which younger found kind of amazing.

"You were hidden well in raging sea but your shredded wings could be seen from miles away, little calico bird."

Jaemin frowned, why did he call him calico bird? Jeno noticed his hesitance and leaned forward, elbows on knees as he stared with intensity that almost quivered his legs, but Jaemin was stronger than this. A wild pirate captain couldn't take him down when even the rocks and sea didn't.

"I know what kind of bruises these are," Jeno talked, eyes glancing at his body that was safely tucked under blanket. "Do you know how your face looks right now? Those scars will probably remain forever. Why did the calico bird jump to his death but managed to survive?"

Jaemin blinked blankly, almost too soft as he stared at the wild pirate. He wondered how many times Jeno had seen people who jumped on purpose or fell off a cliff, and why he did think Jaemin attempted suicide. Was it too obvious? 

"Unintentional," he let out, deep voice rumbling in his chest. Jeno slightly narrowed his eyes. He planned to die, ending up all wounded, under cunning, smart hazel eyes that dived into his soul without much effort, wasn't a part of plan.

"You probably didn't climb high enough to die," he said with so much calmness, as if he planned to anger Jaemin and pull a reaction out of him but he barely cared. He jumped off the highest peak of Ilyrana, which was impossible to survive, and found himself trapped in another world. Maybe he really was not reacting enough to all the shit that went down, the ridiculousness of waking up in another dimension where pistols and guns ruled, but Jaemin just felt too apathetic. He didn't know any hand but his own and mother's, couldn't look away from her glowing face that told him y _our wings are in your heart_. How did an ignorant pirate captain see his broken wings? Was Jaemin so miserable that only he failed to see?

"Brown," Jaemin said, much to Captain's surprise as he tried to understand what he meant. "Your eyes... Brown."

Jeno looked dumbfounded, but wasn't late to snap back. "Calico, your eyes. Yellow, purple and black."

"Black. My pupils," Jaemin mumbled. His mother had yellow and blue eyes, and ten times more beautiful than his own. It should have been a crime to make those eyes to shut close for eternity. "I'm Jaemin."

Jeno nodded, despite the surprise in his eyes because Jaemin hadn't told his name anyone, not even Jen yet. It was just a little detail nobody wanted to focus on, the name of a boy who had been laying half dead for weeks. "Where are you from? We can escort you back to home safely."

He didn't have a home, not after his mother died, Jaemin had been homeless for years now. Shaking his head slightly, he wanted to show that he didn't want to talk about it. No home, no Ilyrana anymore. They stayed behind. Not even his corpse would return to the palace of tears.

"I should take you home, what else are you going to do all injured like that?" Jeno asked, sounding unapologetic. He was a captain, and the illegal owner of Lofar. He didn't want another trouble on his shoulders, there was enough of it already. Jaemin wouldn't force anyone to take care of him, anyways. He still had a duty to fulfill, die and leave this world, wherever he was still breathing. The location didn't matter, if it was Ilyrana or Lofar. His destination was Underworld, the after-world the dead went to.

"No home," Jaemin said. He locked eyes with Captain, black eye makeup long smeared. "Just d-drop me somewhere."

"And what are you going to do then?"

Jaemin looked away. A whirlpool of distress washed over him as Jeno's piercing gaze lingered on his face, but eventually he stood up to leave. Jaemin watched his strong back, long legs and nice ass, squeezed in leather clothes that seemed way too uncomfortable. Captain stopped by the door again and looked at him over a shoulder, eyes slowly turning green.

"Will calico bird crash again?" He asked timidly, making Jaemin's jaw drop with shock. How dare he. As if he had gotten the reaction he wanted, Jeno left the cabin, slamming the door. After his departure, Jaemin swam in the livid sea of pain. _Would the longing end and meeting start, finally?_ He jumped off the peak with those thoughts, hoping his mother's hands would greet him at the bottom of rocks but she didn't come, not even as a dream when he swung in water like a ragdoll. He struggled to walk towards her hesitant light after going through too much darkness, having lived without her way too long. Little calico bird _. I am indignant_ , Jaemin thought as the harsh winds took him down. _I am alive but dead inside, I am not sprouting because poison ivy is still wrapped around my veins. I am being held back by the chains I've tried to break many times, but I can't get rid of them. They're on my heart, in me, chained to the bottom of my soul._

Jaemin was again trapped in a life he didn't wish.

Jaemin got to know a good portion of crew, most of them were men but five other women except Jen also presented. Min Ji was the only one he could remember, as she had really flashy hair and never bothered him when he was resting alone. All the others came in to check him as if he was demonstrated in a museum and it annoyed him to no end. Chenle and Jisung were supposed to be boatswains but Jen claimed they only played card game at riggings. He met the owners of the cabin he was staying some time, the Quartermaster was a cold looking, distant man named Sicheng. Unlike him, Sailing Master Jaehyun seemed way softer but he was also just as quiet and calculating. They were together but with the heavy dignity of dating for long years and knowing each other better than everyone. They were sweet, Jaemin supposed as they wished him to heal well, thinking that he was about to be kicked out of the cabin he'd been invading for a while.

Sicheng came forward and folded his hands, a pistol and small sword dangling on his belt. "I don't want to corner you with questions but you may presume the uneasiness of crew because a stranger is resting in their ship. Who are you, where are you from, what happened to you? If there are men after you, you shall inform us so we can be ready for attacks."

Jaemin pinched his brows together. Captain didn't tell them the truth, why would he hide though? 

"Captain Jeno wants you to stay here," Jaehyun said, smiling at him, dimples showing on his cheeks. "And despite being thieves, criminals and troublemakers, we cannot let a wounded young boy on his own, not yet."

"Ilyrana," Jaemin said, watching them frown with confusion. "I'm from Ilyrana, Prince Na Jaemin but it's not a kingdom of this world."

Sicheng and Jaehyun shared a look, then left the room quickly to probably go talk to Captain. It surprised Jaemin that how easily they seemed to believe, when he himself couldn't fathom the fact that he was awakened to a different world but perhaps they had seen such cases before. Jen who had been sitting on chair all this time sighed, scratching at her jaw. She smiled at him.

"At least Yangyang was right when he said you look like a prince."

Jaemin felt like dancing on a thin rope with many knives waiting for his fall down there and he begged for that fall, but it never came. Captain Jeno burst into the cabin while he was straightened up in the bed as Jen fed him with a bowl of soup. It tasted amazing, very surprising for a pirate ship but she said they had professional cooks in the ship. Captain's face was twisted tight when he walked up to the bed, eyes raking up and down Jaemin's folded figure. Sicheng, Jaehyun and another man he didn't know came after him, filling Jaemin with taut.

"What's happening?" Jen asked, putting the bowl down. Jaemin witnessed the way Jeno's eyes soften at his sister's voice.

"Jen, leave us alone for a moment, my beautiful. We should talk to him alone."

"You won't hurt him, will you?" Jen asked with a tight jaw. Captain sincerely shook his head and even Jaemin believed him. Jeno wouldn't crush the calico bird under his boots. After Jen left with a reassuring smile thrown at him, Jaemin lounged around to get comfortable, trying not to show his bruised body to those men. Thankfully, Jen had brought him a tunic and pants days ago so he wasn't too concerned about it. What he cared the most was four men hovering above him like predators who needed answers, and Jaemin would provide them whatever he knew, since he didn't know much himself.

"Can you give us details about what exactly happened?" Jeno asked, circling around the bed and sitting on the chair his sister just abandoned. Jaemin gulped while watching him, unsure of what to feel about this young pirate who let him stay and rest in his ship.

Sicheng, Jaehyun and unnamed man stood at each sides of bed, staring him down. Last man was very handsome with a boney face and blue hair that took all the wrong attention, but Jaemin didn't think anyone who raised him a hand would survive as the man was really lean and strong looking. He must be a swordmaster, the way he had a big sword and two other sharp blades on his belt. He didn't seem to carry a pistol at the moment.

"I fell off from the highest peak of Ilyrana and found myself here when I woke up, what else?" Jaemin said blankly. He also didn't know what happened, how he ended up here. He would also like to hear some answers.

"Are we sure Ilyrana isn't a country in our world?" Jaehyun questioned, pushing all others to think deeply, all except Jeno who kept staring at Jaemin. He believed in him.

"No, there isn't such a country," Captain said slowly, putting a leg over other and leaning back quite comfortably. Jaemin noticed how handsome he was, all strong features with a straight, big nose and vibrant hazel eyes covered in make-up. Dark of his eye makeup matched the colour of his fringe that fell over his forehead. "Little calico bird is not from our world, but we are cut from same cloth. He is a human like us unless he's named something else."

"Somebody sent him here for a reason then," swordsman said. "I have an idea but I need to some research before coming to a conclusion. Were you conscious through the whole occurrence? Did you feel the pain?"

"I didn't feel much, but I knew I hit the rocks, the waves sucked me deep and I was still alive despite it all."

The looks on their faces were worth to see, they looked almost horrid at the mention of such a thing happening. They never touched death so closely, Jaemin thought. _They ran alongside it but never approached it the way I did._ They were in awe of him.

"Does that mean he time travelled?" Sicheng asked. "Kind of. I think the better wording is world travel."

"Darling, you are a genius but there is no such thing," Jaehyun said softly. "It is something else we cannot comprehend and I'm sure Taeyong will find it out soon."

"Tag me with everything as always," Taeyong mumbled, looking at Jeno. "When will we reach the Lofar? I shall go see the Masters of Tower for more information."

"Less than three weeks if the wind is by our side," Jeno responded, and swordsman nodded, excusing himself and leaving. Jaemin kept looking at Jeno who was spaced out, eyes immersed on the floor.

"Are we going to Lofar?"

Captain looked at him with the question. His hazel eyes were brown again, clouded with uncertainty. He gave a strict nod. "Are you a religious person?" He asked.

"No. Gods don't waste time with boys like me," he answered, surprising Jeno.

"Gods love coaxing boys like you most. Sicheng, reach out the medallion on the shelf."

He watched as Sicheng pulled out something and handed it over to Jeno, who leaned closer to Jaemin while silver chain slipped through his crooked fingers. He looked at Jaemin intently, drinking in his expression as he swung the medallion between their faces. Younger didn't understand what it was at first, as he hadn't seen it in years but when it dawned on him, Jaemin sobbed out and reached out. It was his mother's dear, charming medallion that carried his name on the surface. She was wearing it when she was beheaded, and he never knew what happened to medallion afterwards as he was never given any of her remnants.

"I guess it's an important piece for you, calico," Jeno talked, the silence of room only split by Jaemin's growing sobs that turned to loud, pitiful cries. Dark rains wept over him, burned his flesh, melded into his blood that had been boiling with longing and grief. It almost felt like she was here, stroking his hair, singing him bard's songs. "As it'd been on your neck when we found you in the sea."

Jaemin let the words sink in and blinked through the haze, sniffling as he looked at Jeno under his lashes. "I wasn't wearing this medallion," he said, mildly confused. "In fact, I hadn't seen it for years. It was lost."

"This is getting weirder," Sicheng murmured at the same time Jeno scoffed, as if for the first time he didn't believe in Jaemin's truth but looking a little into his teary eyes, he admitted perhaps it was really lost.

"Who does it belong to?" He asked carefully. "A lover, perhaps?"

He wished it was. It would hurt less and pain would definitely pass but it was his mother, one and only, who'd never come back to him. He could have a dozen of lovers after losing one but nobody could replace his mother. "Thank you for keeping it," he genuinely said, smiling at Jeno, who looked taken aback by his reaction. He had no idea how this medallion ended up returning him, but Jaemin was more than grateful that he had something left of his mother in this stranger world. He tried to die to meet her but at least found a piece of her, one that she always carried on her chest because it had Jaemin's name and Jaemin was the most important person in her life. Her dear son.

Jaemin could breathe better now that he had something that belonged to his mother. It didn't matter how the medallion came to him, perhaps his mother put it on his neck when he was unconscious, which made him smile bigger as he tied the medallion around his hand and squeezed the silver. 

"Captain, we are leaving. There's nothing we can do until Taeyong collects more information," Sicheng said, holding Jaehyun's hand as they walked out of the cabin. When Jaemin and Jeno were alone again, it was silent, but peaceful. 

"I should get going too," captain stood up all of a sudden, awkwardly rubbing the back of his head. "Are you sure there's nothing else you want to say? I will not judge you for anything."

Jaemin looked at him, dived into his soul and met a darkness he'd never seen in his life. Kind of a darkness that gave him the name Butcher of Lofar, because he destroyed his own kin, killed his opponents and had no mercy for his allies but there was also something else he couldn't pinpoint yet. He knew him so little to find the meaning of that twinge of vengeance at the back of hazel eyes. 

"Calico bird has crashed once, it won't again," Jaemin said gently and averted his gaze from his face, to look at the medallion. Jeno left quietly and he pushed himself to sleep a while. In his dreams, he saw his mother, as if the mist was cleared off slightly but still more than enough for Jaemin. As more days went by, he began moving his numb body thanks to Jen's medicine and her motivations to get up and walk. When he was able to stand on his foot for the first time, he almost fell but Jen and Renjun caught him. Younger boy was coming to help Jen out and learn healing from her, who insisted she didn't know much but she literally did wonders with medicine and incenses. 

"Aye, you are walking," Jen exclaimed, watching him take steps forward, towards the little window. He wanted to look at the sky. "Do you feel any pain?"

"I'm fine," he said, grimacing a little when his spine bent to the side while turning around the bed. When he touched the window and looked outside, he could barely see the sky, livid, vivid and pavid, as storms resounded all over the sphere. Even the sky seemed like a stranger because he had never looked up to this sight, he had never seen this world, never tasted its water and food before. He wondered what kind of a place Lofar was. From what Jen told, the island was full of forests, colorful flowers and lemon trees. Aside from the garden of palace, Ilyrana was an empty hill kingdom with no colours and trace of nature. And Jaemin had never gone out of Ilyrana, he never knew how other kingdoms looked like. To say he was excited about a new place was an understatement.

"He seems to like the view," Renjun hummed from his side. "How old are you, Jaemin?"

"Eighteen," he murmured. How long had it been since he was here? He felt his hair brush past his shoulders. It had been too long. "Since when I'm here?"

"Hm, it has been four months, I guess."

Jaemin stared at Jen. Four months of torment, he thought. How wasn't I dead? She noticed his moment of shock and her face got clouded with sadness.

"You were completely unconscious first month. That's why others called you half-dead," she explained. "I have no idea how somebody can even survive what you've lived, but it is truly a miracle."

It was a miracle, surely. Jaemin kept walking up to window just to see stars and moon when it was night, when nobody could see him fold in two with pain, nor his tears that quietened ever since Jeno said he could be heard. The medallion was on his hand all the time, chained around his fingers and he never took it off. As more days passed, Jaemin felt unsure of what future would bring. What would happen after arriving Lofar? _I should join my mother_ , he thought, and sometimes, he didn't want. He wanted to stay with those pirates and explore their world because Jaemin had never seen beyond Ilyrana. He never lived, tasted and had fun at all. They took it all from him.

It was when Taeyong burst into his room that Jaemin knew he'd found something. Blue haired man reached his bed and sat on the edge, looking at him with a bewitched gaze. Sicheng, Jeno and Jen all arrived after him and closed the door to hear what Taeyong would say.

"I came across to something scarce while reading a book. It is something really, really rare but somebody must have done _sacrifice_ in exchange for your life."

Jaemin blinked. What was he saying? Jeno circled around the bed and towered by his right side, arms crossed over his chest and listening to older man tentatively. 

Taeyong continued. "Guardians of Fate make some deals with humans in such cases, it writes in the book. If they can get another life in return, they never let the person pass the borders of Underworld. It does not point out that reborn souls return to their old life but I guess it's completely up them to decide where you will go to. If it's the case with you, then somebody gave up plenty of lives to get you back."

Who was it that they were talking about? Who would do it for Jaemin, except for his mother? Oh, his mother, _fu_ _ck_. What did she do? She brought him back on purpose. She didn't let him die and meet her but why would she do that? Jaemin did everything to reunite, why would she push him back to life?

"I understand if you don't want to tell what happened but I should ask this one," Taeyong started off but Jaemin couldn't focus, drowning in the sea of his battlefield mind. His mother wouldn't do something like that, would she? She would want to meet with her son after years of separation. She wouldn't force him to stay alive despite his efforts to die. 

"Jen, bring water," Captain ordered and Jaemin felt his calloused hands on his body, laying him down carefully to prevent any incidents.

"I don't want," he said weakly when a cup grazed his lips, but Captain didn't budge as he held him up a little and helped him drink some water. Jaemin felt cold water refresh his insides, like a huge tsunami that washed away everything and sighed deeply, tilting his head to look at Jeno's face. He laid him down again and brushed Jaemin's bangs off his face tenderly, an unexplainable expression plastered over his troubled face. His eyes didn't hold any pity, but a deep string of compassion and Jaemin had no idea why. Butcher of Lofar had no reason to feel protective over some bird who fell from the sky.

"You should let him rest," Jen said, holding Jeno's hand to shove him out of the room. Sicheng and Taeyong had already left. "Later, brother, please. He can't tell everything yet, they are his burden to carry."

Out of everyone, Jen understood him most for a reason. She never pushed him to reveal more than he already did and never mocked his situation even though Jaemin was kind of in a ridiculous state. Broken, wrecked, worn out. A weirdo who claimed he came from another world. How hilarious did he sound.

Days passed and passed, Jaemin had only left the cabin to take a piss with the help of Jen and sometimes Yangyang, Renjun's boyfriend. It'd take time to fully use his own strength and limbs but Jaemin never paid attention to his body nor how his scars looked. When loud screams, noises and clapping rang all over the ship, Jaemin stirred awake, wondering what happened. Listening intently, he heard home. _Home_. They arrived Lofar. Forcing himself out of the bed and falling to the side, Jaemin caught a glimpse of green from window. There was a big mountain in the middle of island, so many colours engraved on the surface it blinded him for a moment.

"Why are you up already? Did they make too much noise?" Jen barged inside, rushing to come help him. Jaemin pointed at the mountain that stood with grace.

"What's that?" He asked. Jen followed his finger and laughed, hair still hidden under a bandana.

"Fairy's Peak. The myth says that a fairy princess painted the whole mountain because her human girlfriend asked for more colours in the island. The mountain shines so brightly at nights, it basically lightens up the whole island. Lovers go there to feel the love of a little fairy who lost all her power while blooming colours on her lover's life."

Jaemin blinked sadly. "Is she dead?"

"Yes. Human girl mourned after her at the peak for days, trying to wipe off the colours to bring back the fairy. But fate was already written. She died here after her beloved one."

This was so horrifying, it must have reflected on his face because Jen laughed harder and patted his back softly. She gestured the pile on the bed. "I've brought you new clothes, do you need help wearing them?"

"No. Thank you." He hesitated. "For everything."

"It's an honour to serve you, my prince," she serenaded, making Jaemin blush red at her little play. "We are home finally. Actually we were going to raid some more villages but you popped out of nowhere and turned our plans upside down but it's alright. We are still wealthy as fuck."

Jaemin began stripping after she left, limbs hurting when he pulled his arms high and changed into thick, grey tunic. He tied strings of collar, hiding the scars lined on his chest like a constellation. He gulped at the huge injuries of his legs, probably the worst injury on his body caused by the fall and strike. He crossed the strings of his pants and loosened tunic down, covering his hips. Jeno came inside at the same time he was dome dressing, slamming door shut.

"Jen gave my clothes to you," he said, scanning him.

"Well, they are mine now," Jaemin said, sitting down because he was starting to get sore. "Where will I go now that we're in Lofar?"

Jeno crossed his arms and sighed, hazel eyes narrowing with the sunlight that pierced him. Even in the first rays of sunshine, his beauty was so natural and stunning. He really was so attractive. Jaemin saw so many handsome men but never paid attention to them, as he was lost inside his shattered mind. His mother would tell that he'd marry a handsome, sweet gentleman one day, leaving the palace and its horrors behind but Jaemin would protest. He would never leave his mother behind and flee with a stranger man. They would stand together and fight one soul, one body against King. How saddening that their life took a drastic turn and none of these happened, a way worse scenario did, though. 

"What do you want to do?" Jeno asked him.

"You have let me stay here, thank you," Jaemin said sincerely, looking away when Captain's gaze became too intense. "But I don't know what to do. I don't know anything about Lofar."

"You can stay with us if you want, until you fully recover and decide what to do," Jeno offered, sitting down and levelling their gaze. His strong arms budging as he leaned forward. "Geon would like you, calico."

"Who is Geon?"

"My son." Jaemin widened his eyes with surprise. Jeno had a son? "He is six years old."

If he's six years old, he must have born when Jeno was sixteen, meaning that he had sex even before that. Jaemin hummed. Wasn't it too early to have children? He tried to imagine Jeno's kid but couldn't think of a boy similar to him. Perhaps Geon resembled his mother, whoever she was. "Isn't he in the port?" He asked timidly, playing with the strings. Jeno shook his head.

"It's dangerous. I have got so many enemies to put my son in danger outside. A new person would get his attention."

Jaemin scanned his face intently before biting on his bottom lip. "What about his mother, I'm not overstepping?"

The look on Jeno was the worst Jaemin had seen, a brutal reminder that he was a pirate captain, mass murderer and kinslayer. His edges were so sharp not even he could survive himself, and for a moment it pushed Jaemin to think what this man would do to him. When he looked into his eyes, Jeno didn't seem to even consider harming him, but you could never know when men would turn maniac. His mother raised him to be a kind, gentle, calm boy who'd listen before judging, but not everyone was the same way.

"She's dead," he stated simply. "Will you come with us?"

"I guess I should. Taeyong still continues the research, doesn't he?" He shyly smiled. "I want to learn what is happening to me." After nodding and looking pleasant with himself, Jeno stood up and reached out a hand.

"Let's go then. I called a carriage for you."

Jaemin was hesitant to hold Jeno's hand but when he did, he thought he could get used to the feeling of a tight, warm hand around his. Their fingers interlocked loosely and he was left wondering if it was how Captain Jeno treated everyone he saved, or pitied. Due to Jaemin's injuries, they walked out of the room slowly, his mother's medallion hanging down his chest and giving strength to his weak heart. Something was happening, something that was caused by lofty presences, and he had no idea what to do, how to match his steps, why he should stay alive. If his mother saved his life, then she wanted him to live, didn't she? _What kind of a mother wants to see her son die?_ Jaemin always thought his mother wished to meet him again but perhaps only thing she wanted was his well-being.

When they went to the main deck, Jaemin inhaled the air of nature deeply, letting it sprout on his chest like summer flowers with sweet smells. Crew members were going back and forth as the ship neared the port, where a huge crowd was waiting for ship to anchor and Captain Lee to step down. 

"Is he coming with us?" Taeyong asked, walking down a board and nodding at Captain. He wore a headband that hid his eyeful blue hair, which was a shame because blue didn't even suit the sky or sea as much as it suited him. 

"He will stay with us until he heals and you collect enough information," Jeno said, waiting for the ship to be anchored. It was slightly cold here, albeit his clothes were thick and probably the reason Jen gave them in the first place. She was talking to a man at crow's nest with fervour, her small and short body catching the eye among huge men. Then his brother called out for her. "JenJen! Come down already!"

"Why am I even the Quartermaster when she exists? The crew does what she tells," Sicheng said, coming to stand with them as others opened the plank and jumped down to take the control of port because it was Lee Jeno who arrived with his Blackheart, to his home where everyone began clapping once they spotted him.

"There are still some things you can do better than her," Jeno told Sicheng. "Don't tell her this, though."

"Hello, Jaemin," Jaehyun came with his soft smile, kissing his boyfriend on the cheek and grabbing his waist.

"Hi," Jaemin said with a small voice, shrinking into himself when he saw the people in crowd looking at him with curiosity since he was a new face, full of bruises. When Jeno tugged at his hand and walked forward, Jaemin followed his lead down the plank.

The way to the Crystal Castle was easy, as Jaemin settled on a carriage with Jen and others. Jeno and others took horses to ride, passing the streets of Lofar, colourful and full of life. His mother would like it here. Flowers grew in the chinks of homes and created a gorgeous image. She used to love flowers too much, he thought with pain heaving down his chest. She would spend her entire life in this island, watering plants, cooking him desserts, walking down joyful streets where people danced and spent time together. It wasn't like any place Jaemin had seen, and he hadn't seen anywhere but Ilyrana to begin with. Noticing what a shallow life he was forced to live locked in a cage pained him greatly. They could have had lived a much better life, him and his mother, together away from Ilyrana and the suffering it brought.

"How are you feeling?" Jen asked him, her eyes sympathetic. "You look like you are thinking of somebody."

"I was thinking of my mother," Jaemin mumbled, watching Fairy's Peak stay behind as they headed to the East. He saw Crystal Castle that belonged to Lee family from miles away, and wondered why it was named as such when the castle was the only dark building in the entire island where eyeful colours ruled. When they passed the gates and entered a big yard, the carriage stopped finally and Jaemin watched as Jeno, Jaehyun and Sicheng hopped off their horses.

"Are you okay? Nobody can harm you here," Jen said, shooting him a look and waiting for an answer before opening the door. "Come help Jaemin, brother."

Jeno was already by the carriage, holding Jaemin's waist and dropping him down carefully. He didn't know pirates lived in castles, did legal piracy but Jaemin would learn about everything soon, as he was planned to stay here. Jeno pulled away and called out for someone before sending him a considerate look, hazel eyes shining almost green under the sun.

"Most of crew members are now going to fuck around," Jen started telling him. "Lofar is the biggest and only pirate haven in the world and our family has been managing it for centuries now. Its streets are lined with taverns and brothels eager to cater to the whims of young buccaneers."

"What about the kingdoms? Estela and Ryuu?"

"We have an arrangement with them, since we are located between two biggest kingdoms, our position is very critical and important. In exchange of protecting Estela and Ryuu from lawless, freelance pirates and other kingdoms, they let us do underground pirating within their ports and shores. They are simple kings who let their people get raided by notorious pirates and we just use them on our behalf," she shrugged.

Lawless pirates? As if they did have laws, though they actually seemed and acted way better than the stories Jaemin's mother had read aloud. Scary pirates who killed, raided, raped and stole. Looting was their greatest skill and he didn't need to be a genius to guess even this castle had been built over the blood and money of innocent. While looking around, Jaemin saw a little boy run outside, curly hair framing his small, cute face as he screamed, "Daddy!"

It was the first time Jaemin saw Jeno smile so fully, so happily as he ran forward and took the boy in his lap, placing wistful kisses on his cheeks. The image struck Jaemin cold, toppling his weak body without a remorse. All the times he had run into his mother's arms, giggled as she kissed all over his face, shrieked loudly as she swung him around like Jeno did to his son right now. Familiarity of how parents treated their beloved children hurt him beyond repair.

When Geon would get bigger, his father couldn't carry him anymore but would always have that sweet, lovely spot of his arms open for him. When Geon grew older, he would be shy to sleep with his father, but Jeno would understand by his mere look and pull him to his chest to sing him to sleep, no matter how old he became. It didn't matter that Jeno was a known Butcher, a pirate captain, a bandit. He was just a father in Jaemin's eyes, who became a dad when he was too young but still embraced his son with mirth.

Jaemin didn't know he was crying until he felt bitter and salty taste of his tears, wetting his chapped lips. He looked away to wipe his eyes and control his sobs that threatened to come out. This separation was killing him slowly. He should find his mother wherever she went and join her, he couldn't do it anymore, seeing how much parents loved their kid. _My mother loved me too, she loved me too much that she died looking into my eyes with fear that I would witness her execution, her murder._

"Auntie!" Little kid's voice was now closer, and Jaemin breathed deeply to recollect himself. Jen had unhooked their arms and now was carrying Geon, kissing the cheeks Jeno left reddening. Jaemin tried not to meet Jeno's gaze as he stared intently, probably wondering why younger was crying at the sight of a little boy.

"My favourite, favourite nephew!" Jen puckered her lips and talked like a kid, to which Geon clapped a palm over her mouth.

"As if you've got another nephew," Jeno mumbled, stealing glances to Jaemin at times. "Geon, have you met the calico bird?"

Geon's familiar hazel eyes looked at him with interest. "Now I have!" He exclaimed, stirring in Jen's embrace. "Your hair is sooo pretty, calico! Is your name calico bird?"

"No," Jaemin mumbled, heart hammering in his ears. "I'm Jaemin."

"I'm Geon, but you can call me Junior Jen! I will be the best Lee of all family members!"

Jaemin smiled, small but still there. He saw his own old, bright smile on Geon's face and didn't want anything to ruin it.

"Jaemin needs to rest, big guy. I should escort him to his room," Jen said, giving Geon to his father. Jeno watched Jaemin with an unreadable expression as his son clung to his neck and tried to take his attention but as if he was anchored to Jaemin's two-coloured eyes, he couldn't divert his gaze. It was the younger who broke the eye contact and walked with Jen, Chenle and Jisung who led him inside the castle.

Interior design of castle was very ancient, clearly a building that'd been hosting a wealth family for ages. On the walls, some portraits were hung, decorating the lovely halls of castle. Despite its bigness and darkness, it was clearly a home for so many, for Jeno, Jen, Geon and other crew members and Lees. Even the servants that smiled and welcomed them seemed to take pleasure in this life, they could be faking, though but Jaemin was manufactured enough to see the difference between reality and fake. 

"Call Lisa here, please," Jen called out as they kept walking, climbing a huge ladder. It tired him but Jaemin didn't stay behind as Jen led them to a big room with a great balcony that had a perfect view of Fairy's Peak and Royal Port. He sat on the bed and sighed, gritting his teeth to keep his pained whimpers in. "Lisa will tend you better than I can. She's the best of her job."

"Thank you," Jaemin whispered, slowly stretching his neck and releasing the tension on his nape. When his eyes caught his reflection in a big mirror, he froze. Who was this boy that looked at him with his eyes? Who was this broken boy who carried his mother's features? His beautiful face was full of bruises, red and pink, he didn't even remember hitting his face on the rocks but it seemed to have the most damage other than his legs. Standing up carefully, not wanting to scare the broken boy in mirror, he approached with wary and calculating steps. Jaemin never felt fear after his mother's death because nothing worse could happen to him, all the colours were already sucked out of him and the dullness of grey was a close friend.

He opened the strings of his tunic and revealed his equally broken chest, full of stitches and scabs. The marks of four months' torture, unconscious and apathetic to pain, because Jaemin was already at the bottom. He fully took off tunic and stared at his body with shocked eyes as piece of cloth dropped at his feet. How couldn't he feel its pain? They shoved a hundred swords through his body but he thought it was just the thorns of a rose. Even if he didn't die from the fall, he should have died from pain that his injuries caused but he felt almost nothing. When the door opened and Jeno came in, he halted with surprise, looking at Jaemin's bare, disfigured skin. 

They destroyed me, Jaemin thought as tears rolled down without his control. _For years, they pushed me to the edge until I became this. This is what they made out of me_. Killed his mother and turned Jaemin to a breathing corpse.

The reality hit him hard, how much he lost, how he spent all his life in ruins, how he couldn't heal from this. Not alone. Not with another person. It was something written in his bones and Jaemin couldn't just scrub it off. They destroyed him and even if they all died, nothing could fix him, put him back together. He vaguely remembered Jeno grabbing and taking him to bed, laying him down over the bed as physician came through and began tending him. She had beautiful caramel hair with huge eyes that looked at Jen with so much adoration, and it pained Jaemin to know he could never have somebody love him like that. For real this time, he would kill himself. He would die and everything would bury in dark, and the _end_.

He wished his death would be easy, just easy. He wanted nothing else. 

That night, everybody abandoned him and left him to sleep as night fell upon him, wrapped him in a warm blanket and shooting stars sang for him. He didn't see his mother in his dream for once, just the painful turn of his miserable life. He was nothing. Nothing. He was made of pain, grief and hate. Legends said love fixed what hate left broken. For boys like Jaemin, who would fade within a breath, opening up his heart to a stranger wasn't even an option to begin with. Even if he was alive, he'd rot quietly, the way he lived.

When the door of his room opened, Jaemin was able to make out bright hazel eyes of little boy who peeked at him sweetly. "Can I come in, calico?"

Jaemin sniffled, wiping his face with a hand while nodding. Geon ran to the bed and sat down on his side, moonlight glowing on his face that resembled his father's. "Father told me you were sick so you couldn't join us at dinner. We always eat dinner together as a family."

Jaemin hummed, not wanting to upset him. If he needed to be attentive, then he would be, so a child's bright eyes wouldn't fog up because it was the most vile thing to do. Making a kid sad, when their laughters should be filling the air. "Is your family very big? Tell me about them."

"It is!" He exclaimed happily, leaning on his stomach and facing Jaemin. "There is Mark who is Head of Management when father is away in the sea. He basically rules the island when father is absent and he's my uncle! Well, kind of. They're cousins but he's more of an uncle to me."

"I haven't heard of Mark," Jaemin murmured. Jeno apparently also had cousins. "Who else are there?"

"His boyfriend is Donghyuck uncle. He is actually Mark's personal guard and right hand man. He fights so good but father doesn't let me wield a sword or hold a pistol yet," the boy pouted sadly. "Not that I want to harm anyone! But father always says how young he had to learn fighting and I want to be like him too. My father is the best."

Similar way he talked of his father reminded Jaemin himself and his mother, and it put a sour smile on his face. He was twice Geon's age when his mother died but no less childish than this little boy. No matter the age, you were back to childhood when your parents died. And parents never truly had a grave, considering the way his mother was buried in his heart. Jaemin remembered Jeno's words about Geon's mother. She was also dead. He leaned in and stroked his face tenderly, ruffling his hair as Geon giggled and completely laid down on bed. In the darkness of room, only Fairy's Peak and moon glowing on their bodies, he kept telling Jaemin so many irrelevant but important to him things, from his family to the girl he liked, and another boy who also pined for her. Jaemin couldn't help but laughing at Geon's expressive voice and vivid locution. He was really cute.

Jaemin didn't know when he fell asleep, listening to Geon ranting about everything and everyone but when he woke up to a dim room with gaslights, Geon was sleeping peacefully in his arms. He looked up with dizzy eyes and saw Jeno sit by the edge, watching them with a hooded expression.

"I had been searching for him everywhere," pirate said slowly, quietly so he wouldn't disturb his son. "I thought I lost him forever but when one of the servants said they saw him sneaking into your room, I felt as if sky was just lifted off where it had fallen upon my heart."

Jaemin felt terribly sorry, despite the fact that he wasn't at fault. "He said he was worried about me and came to check if I was okay." 

Jeno nodded. "Even though I told him you were sick and we shouldn't disturb you many times. Children never listen."

"It's what makes them," Jaemin responded, silencing when Geon turned in his arms and his drool began wetting his wrist but Jaemin didn't care. "He really is sweet. You are raising him perfectly."

Jeno looked at his son with fondness for too long that his eyes became glassy. "It's his caretakers shaping him to be a gentleman. If it was left to me to raise him, he'd become another murderer."

Jaemin shuddered at the display of honesty. Jeno had no problem admitted the bad person he was, and it was an interesting change to see since people never owned up to their mistakes and always acted like saints. "He looks up to you. He wants to be like you one day."

"Not everyone can be," Jeno said blankly. "How do you feel?"

How did Jaemin feel? Did Jaemin even feel anything? "I'll be better," he said, a brutal lie and Jeno knew this, from the way he side-eyed Jaemin and sneered. He leaned closer, locking eyes with Jaemin intensively. 

"It seems like little calico bird hasn't learned anything yet. Sometimes the crash isn't to kill you, it's to remind you what you've got and how you should take care of it."

"What do you even know about a crash?" Jaemin bitterly asked, and Jeno seemed just as bittersweet as the corner of his lips twitched.

"Everything you are yet to unpack." With that, he took his son in his lap and patted his back while Geon mumbled incoherently. "Sleep well, calico."

After they left, Jaemin didn't sleep again and just stared into space. It was Jen and Chenle who snapped him back to reality, the girl looking sad as she remembered his breakdown yesterday. They told him to take a good bath, then join the family for breakfast to which he accepted quickly. Perhaps he should meet the people Geon talked so fondly of. He ignored looking at himself in the mirror or checking his bruises for more than five seconds or else he would lose his mind over how ugly he looked. Definitely not the boy who burned down the palace and jumped off the peak, but it was all his doing. It was all on him for doing this to himself.

After the bath, he was finally utterly clean months after. His hair seemed to glow brighter as he cut the soft, pale strands and gave a short style. This way his face was even more open for curious and pitiful eyes but he had to go through it. He changed into new clothes servants brought and hooked arms with Jen to go downstairs, where loud noises came from a big dining hall.

"Jaemin!" Geon shrieked upon seeing him, sitting crossways of Jeno who was all alone at the edge of huge, long table as the Lord Lee. In the ship, he was a captain but in his castle, he was the master. He needed to take care of his family and island and folk who trusted in him. With their arrival and little boy's yell, everybody shushed and turned to look at him as Jen dragged him to the chairs closest to Jeno. The lining of who sat on the table seemed important, as it went from Jeno, Geon and Jen who forced Jaemin to sit beside her. In front of him, there was a pretty guy with short hair and small face structure, and beside him sat another golden skinned beauty who winked at him shamelessly.

"Jeno, won't you introduce us?" Someone asked in the table, causing Jaemin to look at older man who was spoon-feeding Geon with one hand while eating himself with other. He looked between Jaemin and rest of his family.

"Jaemin will stay with us for a while. Treat him as a part of family, I'll hear no complains," he said nonchalantly, back to wiping Geon's dirty mouth and warning him to eat decently. Little interaction warmed his heart. His mother would also scold him for the way he used to eat as a kid. 

"Jaemin, these are Mark and Donghyuck," Jen said, showing him the couple across him. Both of them smiled. Golden boy leaned forward with a snarky glint in his eyes.

"We heard so much about you since you were found. Jen kept writing to us about your healing progress."

"Reporting is important," Jen said, poking at his shoulder lightly.

"Sure Jen," Hyuck mocked, rolling his eyes when she threw him a piece of bread. 

"Stop throwing food at each other and behave for once, we've got a guest," a dark eyed older guy said with a sigh. "My name is Taeil, Jaemin. I try to take care of these assholes with my best."

"Lies, lies, lies," another boy clicked his tongue. "All you do is punishing us and ruining our desire to have fun."

"Sungchan, you better shut up or you can't go to pistol contests this month," an older woman said, to whom Sungchan started begging, _mother, please don't punish me with this!_

"Who is absent?" Jaemin asked while looking at the two empty chairs beside him. 

"Jaehyun and Sicheng, they're probably busy fuck-"

Jen shut up when Jeno shoved a bread into her mouth, wiggling his eyebrows to warn her about Geon. She gave him thumbs up and smiled sweetly after putting the bread on table. "They are sleeping," she said, lying through her teeth. Jaemin smiled at her. When he looked up, Jeno's hazel eyes were on him and as always, he didn't look away until his eyes started warming into a lovely green and he turned his head to feed his son again. Jaemin watched him dote on his son, the way he put a safe distance between them because he had to protect his son from himself before it was the turn of his enemy. 

Jaemin ate a little at breakfast, leaving most of his plate untouched as noises went unheard to him, but his eyes never missed a moment. People who finished their breakfast left one by one. After a while, Mark and Hyuck walked away as well and another coupling swans entered the hall.

"They fucking consumed everything," Sicheng murmured as Jaehyun scoffed, sitting on empty chairs. "How is it going, ladies and gentlemen?"

"Is there any reports from Taeyong?" Jeno asked, ignoring Geon who leeched onto his arm for more tapioca pearls. 

"He is seeing the masters at Tower of Justice. I'm sure he will sort it out soon," Sicheng said, glancing at Jaemin discreetly.

"What will happen when we sort it out?" Jaemin asked quietly. All the eyes turned to him. "Will I go back to Ilyrana?"

"Noo," Geon cried out. "Don't go, Jaemin! You still haven't met my friends."

"Naven, take Geon to his room," Jeno called out. He pinched his son's cheek before little boy was taken away by a girl, and Jaemin waved at him before he disappeared. Now that only they were present, nothing shall be hidden. Captain looked at him with considerate, empathetic eyes and those were the only times Jaemin was reminded how young he actually was. Only four years older than him, with a kid on his lap, captaining a pirate ship, controlling an island. Jeno squeezed too much in his young body. "Taeyong says there's no going back from the agreement once the person is reborn. Whether you like it or not, you are stuck here with us and won't go back to your old home."

"Not that I want to," Jaemin said. "But I should find who did this. Who exchanged for my life."

"It's basically impossible to find it out," Jen said, casting him an apologetic look. "Guardians of Fate never interact with mortals, unfortunately."

 _Never interact with mortals._ Jaemin gulped. His mother was no mortal anymore. It was becoming so hard to deny the fact that his mother was the one who exchanged for his life but if she was somewhere out there, watching over him, seeing him at the tip of death, could Jaemin reach out to her? Was there a way to find her and talk to her even for a second?

"I know who did it," Jaemin absentmindedly whispered but they all heard him. Out of all pair of eyes, hazel ones were the heaviest on him. "It's my mother."

They weren't stupid, as they noticed the immortal rule and looked away after Jaemin implied his mother was dead, wondering if his situation had got anything to do with her. Jeno knew more, that Jaemin attempted suicide and wanted to die, and he was the only one to meet his gaze when everyone else darted away. Jeno was wild and unapologetic, but Jaemin could sense they understood each other for a reason. For the exact reason Jeno talked as if he knew what crashing meant. When looked closely, there was a scar on his forehead, down to his temple, definitely not something made by a blade. Captain was another mysterious box full of secrets, just like Jaemin himself, and they couldn't fully open up to each other.

 _Love fixes what hate leaves broken_. That wasn't true. Nothing was ever fixed because you could fix a weapon, not your heart. You could fix a ship, not your past. You could fix yourself, not other people. Love didn't take the pain away, just lessened it and Jaemin wasn't sure if it was what he wanted. Shadows had prisoned him into loneliness. Flowers had abandoned him in the smell of sorrow. Even before and after his mother, he had to swallow down everything his father, his wife, his lords, palace folk did. After his mother died, he had to remain silent to their sneers, mockery, grimaces. There had never been a friend nor lover of him, because he was a freak to everyone, his father perceived that way and took his right to the crown of Ilyrana. 

Everyone always found a way to rescue themselves by stepping on Jaemin. It was enough. If his mother wanted him to stay alive, then he would, and find the reason of her desire. That was his plan. He looked away from Jeno's eyes, tight purse of his lips twitching slightly as he promised to himself and his mother, most importantly.

_The calico bird has crashed once, it's not happening again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actually what I meant by 'calico bird' was 'alaca kuş' in turkish but it didn't sound just as cool and good in english sorry about that. Jsususu. And sorry my kingdom names are lame asf it's so hard to find something that sounds nice. Btw Jaemin's eyes are inspired by Atsushi from Bungou Stray Dogs, check it out if you couldn't imagine his eyes.
> 
> Jaemin you deserve the entire universe not just a good, new life. His story is also kind of inspired by I. Queen Elizabeth cause I am lately interested in British history.
> 
> I've been dying to write father Jeno it just had to happen but his teen parentage won't be justified don't worry!! He has his own story to tell later. Geon is so cute. This is a wayyy different fic than my others also the characters are very different, like Jeno is really a mass murderer like that sorry about it ups. 
> 
> Share your thoughts with me pls!! Stay safe and take care!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi bubs. Finally finished the ending of this chapter and here's your meal lol. 
> 
> [this song...wth](https://youtu.be/UZkBMTfM8HQ)
> 
> I wouldn't link this color coded lyrics normally but in case yall don't have Spotify, pls listen to this amazing song I really thought it fits both jaemin and his mother and also Nomin
> 
> [jaemin's party outfit the Jongin print](https://mobile.twitter.com/soloistkji/status/1332327963191357446)
> 
> Good readings guys!! I hate begging for comments but at least one comment makes me the happiest so pls :((

Despite the sounds of Lee Castle and brightness of Fairy's Peak that shimmered through dark walls, it was a dull, lifeless place that was built over the pain of other people. The portraits of Lees seemed to brood all day long as people passed by, happy and alive, and they couldn't get to be here in flesh and alive. As Jaemin stood before the portraits and watched the restless purse of their lips, he wondered why they hated being dead too much. Much to great Lees, Jaemin despised being alive, being pushed into another life he didn't ask for but had to relish in because it was his mother who sacrificed for his life. His mother who was also dead, saw his son in danger and exchanged lives for him. Why would she do that? This dullness should be his, he should be carrying the uneasy feeling of death across his face. Those people did not want to die but were forced to, he sighed at the display or irony that he was standing alive despite jumping to his death in front of them. 

Being alive hurt Jaemin, being so clueless about what happened to him and why he was sent to this world, at the hands of a young pirate captain. He felt too cornered, too tight in his own skin and it was solely due to fact that he did not belong here. This sky wasn't what he used to look up, this air wasn't what he breathed for years, this island wasn't similar to what he had seen in Ilyrana. Perhaps it was because Jaemin had never gone out of Ilyrana and seen rest of world but he was scared by this stranger place, with a giant mountain that glowed colourfully all day. When it was night, only small gaslights kept burning because Fairy's Peak was enough bright to fall upon the island. Lofar was an interesting place, as the greatest piracy haven of Lee Family, filled with young gold-diggers and enemies that Jeno was very wary of because he had a son and sister to protect. And lately, Jaemin too.

He was wild and untamed but Jeno had a weird fondness and protectiveness over Jaemin, as he always checked on him and made sure younger was alright. When Jaemin was late to breakfast or dinner by a few minutes, captain himself came to see how he was doing and sometimes held his hand on the way to dining hall. He could be inconsiderate and indifferent of his own life, but unfortunately Jaemin wasn't dumb enough to avoid all the hints. The way Jeno stared at him, sent everyone in his service, was strangely soft-spoken with him to the point others quickly noticed as well. Rest of Lee family would give them uncomfortable glances and it annoyed Jaemin slightly, but he didn't find it in himself to shut them up. Out of everything, Jeno's tenderness was welcomed nicely. It was a gesture nobody did for Jaemin before.

For a while, he didn't do much except resting and waiting for his scars to fully heal. Everyday he'd wake up with the sounds of castle, maids that scurried inside his room, and sometimes, it was Geon who woke up him by poking at his nose or begging him to play games. _Haven't you still recovered, Jaemin? Please play with me, please!_ Despite countless times Jeno warned his son about Jaemin's health condition, that if another accident happened Jaemin would be in a worse situation, it was impossible to keep little boy from leeching onto him but not that it was a bad thing. Everything about Geon filled him with melancholy and longing of his own mother but he reminded himself it was also another motherless child who just sought some fun in his life trapped in a castle because Jeno was too strict to let his son outside often. Geon's friends and teachers personally came to Crystal Castle and they were always watched over by guards. 

For a while, it was too strange, everything was too much for him. After jumping off and awakening here, Jaemin's life took a drastic turn. For once, he saw beyond his cage and nightmares. He never knew a life beyond his past struggles, suffering and prison: his mother, his father, the queen, the palace, Ilyrana were all everything that shaped, morphed and made his entire life. He had nothing that belonged to him after his mother and in that palace of tears, her fragrance was too slight to hold. But here, in Lofar, she was more radiant than ever and showed Jaemin everything that he had been missing out for years. Compassionate friends, Jen, Geon, Renjun whom he had grown very accustomed to and all others. They all held different views and sights for him to explore and Jaemin was mesmerized and mortified by everything he witnessed. It was much more than he could decipher.

Quite often he wondered if it was the reason his mother wanted him to live for real. Surrounded by a group of strangers he already formed a string of affection between, placed in an unfamiliar castle, served by maids who brought him silk and silver. To actually feel something other than the suffocating pain that shut him out from outer world. He wished to learn the reason, to see her again, before everything came to an end because every night, Jaemin felt like this dream was going to end and he'd wake up to hell again. The hell that was Ilyrana. He already knew that gods wouldn't put him next to his mother.

Now that he could walk on his own, Jaemin had gone downstairs and was watching the portraits with scrutinizing eyes. All of them seemed to have same type of features: dark hair, hazel eyes and sharp face. While going through the paintings, he read their names aloud and let the quiet hall swallow them. He had no idea who was the predecessor of Jeno and Jennie that they'd destroyed, but after that one young girl with curly hair, the portraits ended. When looked closely, Jaemin was struck cold by how similar she looked with Geon.

"Calico! What are you doing here alone?"

He looked at the little boy who clung to his leg and pouted cutely, guards waiting at a corner. Jaemin patted his messy locks and glanced back at the girl in the portrait; that sheen of her sly eyes, smirk of her mouth, curls of her dark hair. She was too beautiful to be real.

"Who is it, Geon?" He asked slowly, not sure if he should dig Jeno's past this way because it was embarrassing. Jeno did not deserve being disrespected such way after everything he had done for Jaemin.

"Oh, it's Aunt Hyewon, uncle Mark's sister!" Geon exclaimed. "It was their parents that father took the castle from, and killed."

"How do you know that?" Jaemin asked, squirming uncomfortably because it was disturbing that a six year old knew about the massacre his father had done. He shouldn't know about any of these, not yet. "She looks too young here," he tried to change the topic but once it was connected to infamous predecessor uncle, it wouldn't be left behind.

"She died very young, that's what uncle Mark said but they don't like talking about her. She didn't live enough to see her parents being overthrown."

Sick of deaths, Jaemin smiled weakly and gestured Geon to leave the hall. They left sly, pretty woman to smirk at something they didn't see, but it dropped an uneasy feeling on his chest that rapidly spread all over him. He spent the day with Geon as lords were out of Castle for some business, which Jaemin interpreted a bloody cleaning. When it was night and maids had taken Geon to his room for a bath, Jaemin was alone in the big ballroom. He scanned the stained glass that covered the whole wall, showing the green garden with a small blue pool. Little birds landed on trees, shaking the weak branches and sang woodnotes for the night that was full of secrets and scars, brightened thanks to a little fairy who lost her life for love. How good could the fate of Lofar be under such circumstances?

It was Jeno who found him in ballroom, sitting by the window a little sleepy as he leaned his head over the armrest of sofa. Jaemin watched him approach with strong steps that always announced he was coming, hazel eyes had turned clouded brown orbs as he flopped onto next to him. Quietly, Jaemin admired the way his big muscles forced the leathers, bulging as Jeno rubbed the back of his nape and sat back to fully take in Jaemin's folded figure. His intense gaze could ignite fires from a mere look that pierced into younger's broken soul.

"You missed the dinner," he said softly, voice barely audible in giant ballroom full of gold and expensive furniture.

"I'll eat in my room, perhaps you can accompany me, calico," Jeno responded. 

"I haven't eaten either." Jeno scowled at his confession and leaned forward, bringing their faces close, too close that Jaemin froze. He had never been too close with any man before, and too many men looked at him with lust yet nobody with such care and curiousity of what he was hiding beneath the surface. Nobody but Jeno was ever ready to accept whatever ran under his skin, because he had done way worse things. "We can eat together if you want."

Jeno's gaze was intimate. "Now you are the one who offers things. Little calico has looked away from his cage, hasn't he?"

Jaemin frowned, lifting his head from armrest and his forehead brushed against Jeno's chin while trying to regain his limbs. Despite how small the brush was, Jaemin grew incredibly embarrassed and his whole face blushed. "Sorry," he murmured, looking down at Jeno's thick thighs while the pirate kept breathing across his face, fanning him freshly. His breath smelled of lemon and pipe, sour yet tolerable. While his hand picked at a scab under the pants, Jeno's hands landed on the little space between their bodies, too close that his fingertips touched Jaemin's other knee.

"Your hair is getting a darker blond. It is almost winter here," Jeno talked, his voice vibrating the thick tension between them. When Jaemin still didn't answer nor looked up, Jeno acted bold, perhaps too bold for someone who didn't know anything about what he was getting himself into. He didn't know the reason of Jaemin's suicide, cries, solitude, and vice versa. They were completely closed to each other with no light peering in but like a soft spring breeze, they danced before each other's doors coyly before the wind would worsen and barge inside.

Jaemin saw Jeno's right hand raise and felt him tap his chin, holding it gently between his fingers as he tilted his head and stared into his eyes. Getting heated under captain's touch, Jaemin squirmed around but somehow, ended up closer to Jeno. He was like a magnet that pulled Jaemin to himself everytime the other tried to put a distance between.

"Do not shut me out when I'm trying to reach out to you. I want to help you, nothing else."

"Why though?" Jaemin asked, as Jeno's fingers grazed lower and stroked his neck. His small touch wasn't dislikeable, so younger let him and basked in this stranger man's warmth.

"You are too young, too dainty, you shouldn't have gone through this," Jeno hissed through gritted teeth, almost pained. "When I saw your body swinging on the surface of sea, all wounded and broken, I remembered what I've lived myself. I had to take you in and bring you back to life."

Jaemin shivered at his words. What did he live to react such way? What was he hiding behind those stale, hazel eyes of strength and remorse? Did Geon's mother abandon him? Why did he kill his uncle and overthrow his reign? What about his parents? There were too many questions about both of them and neither trusted each other enough to enlighten one another, not now, not yet. Jaemin lived long enough to learn not to trust anybody through most painful roads, even his own father who promised they'd be safe then killed his mother in front of him, his thirteen year old son.

Just the thought of that man gave him goosebumps, knowing that he was alive somewhere in universe, probably happy that he also got rid of Jaemin and his dear wife could finally be at ease in palace with their deranged son. While his mother was dead, they were alive and the injustice tore him apart. It should have been them. All of them. Now that Jaemin was gone, they must be celebrating it. When his sight got blurry and mouth opened for a sob, Jeno's face froze and he stared at Jaemin as latter began crying. He cried for everything that he had to go through, all the bright days he missed trapped in a dark room, all the friends and lovers he never got to meet, all the smiles and laughter that were forbidden for him because whenever he used to smile, his lips always tugged down with sorrow. They took his everything, first his mother, then his crown, his desire to live and his every change in life, with other people and places. They never even gave him a chance to breathe at comfort without sadness, fear and fury clogging his throat. They destroyed Jaemin way worse than few rocks could ever do. The scars on his body were nothing in comparison to the graveyard he carried inside.

"Come here, calico," Jeno was saying, getting closer to him, almost pulling Jaemin in his lap as younger hugged captain's neck, crying into his shoulder. 

Jeno embraced his body tightly, stroking Jaemin's back and staying quiet as latter cried out all his frustrations and emotions he was boiling with at the moment. He let Jaemin be himself, feel himself, and it was a chance nobody ever gave him. He mourned after the mother he lost and everybody called him a freak, it was only the doing of his father that provoked the rumors and made them to be true. Nobody did understand his pain before, and for Jaemin, those strong arms that engulfed him during his breakdown meant so much. It was a gesture nobody dared doing for him before. When his painful cries became dry sobs, he was fully aware of everything, the way he was straddling Jeno's lap who caressed his shaky back with a calloused, reassuring hand. 

Jaemin felt small at so many people's presence before, but for the first time he felt safe being small in a man's big arms.

Sniffling weakly, he tightened his arms around Jeno's neck and muffled his sobs into the leather of cloth. As if not bothered by Jaemin's heaviness, captain leaned back on the sofa and treated him like a baby while caressing his back and holding on to his waist. Such close intimacy shouldn't even have happened in the first place but it wasn't at the top of Jaemin's main concerns right now. After his breakdown died down, he slipped into an uneasy yet lax stance and closed his eyes with exertion.

"Calico can't get out of his nightmares yet, and maybe he never will," he heard Jeno murmur as his heavy hands and soft fingertips traced the line of Jaemin's waist and spine.

"Have you managed to?" Jaemin asked, voice raspy and void of emotion. He didn't open his eyes as Jeno spun his head to look at him. As quietness carried on, Jaemin didn't care that he wasn't given a vocal answer. He knew Jeno, of brewing storms and rough pours, couldn't abandon the stage of grieving for whatever he lost, everything he lost. Sometimes people couldn't move on from their pain, and that was okay, wasn't it? Jeno had his son, his sister and crew next to him, he had a reason to stay alive but Jaemin had none. He had nothing, he was nothing. Just a wounded calico bird resting in a temporary tree to continue his own way towards the horizon where the earth and sky touched.

When he tilted his head slightly, first thing he saw was Jeno's tan skin pulled too tight as he looked at Jaemin in a strange angle.

"Don't you wonder about me?" Jaemin asked quietly. "I almost said nothing about myself."

Jeno sighed, straightening him in his lap and levelling their gaze as Jaemin's hands shyly leaned across his sturdy chest. "There is time for everything, isn't there? When you accepted to come with me, you also agreed joining our family. Don't look at me like this. Everybody loves you, especially Geon and Jen."

"Geon just wants himself a new playmate and Jen is the one who healed me," he said, tilting his head to the side and it was almost magical the way Jeno's hazel eyes followed him as if Jaemin would flee the cage that was his arms any moment. He felt himself flush red under those dangerous eyes, knowing Jeno's interest him was just growing bigger. He couldn't avoid the truth that was shoved up his face. The Butcher of Lofar was interested in him.

It was another reason Jaemin wished all his life that he were dumber so he would miss what people said, thought and did behind his back but gods were never easy on him. It was his keen intelligence that helped him notice his mother's depression, that his father was always showing up with the smell of another woman, that his family was breaking apart. He knew when people were genuine with him, which was something so rare because playing with a motherless, abandoned kid was much more fun to people. 

"They love you for who you are, and you are the sweetest, prettiest boy the world has ever seen," Jeno said slowly, not shifting his pinning gaze as he complimented Jaemin like that. He could only let out a embarrassed cough whilst blushing redder, wanting to get off Jeno's lap, cup his own face and run away. When he was just about to do, the ballroom was occupied by loud shrieks and yells. They both got startled and turned to look at the source.

"Close Geon's eyes! Close Geon's eyes!" Jen shouted at Mark who was carrying the kid, a slight frown directed to them. He had this hostility against Jeno for an unknown reason.

"Damn Cap, you are fucking fast," Donghyuck mused as he flopped next to them with a wide grin, and Jaemin sprung to Jeno's left side choking on his breath. The fact that his tunic was folded up didn't help him any good. He felt Jeno's hand cover his bare waist and pull down the tunic, an intimate act that caused him to blush even redder while getting comfortable next to captain's warm body. 

"Father, did you make Jaemin cry?" Geon asked once he was placed on Jeno's lap, reaching forward to wipe his tears. Jaemin smiled at him weakly, ignoring other cheeky grins thrown at his direction.

"He must have been rough-" Jen began and Mark clapped a hand over her mouth, silencing her for everyone's sanity. 

"He was just consoling me," Jaemin said weakly, not really liking the way they coaxed events. He wiped his face with his sleeve and gulped audibly, avoiding Jeno's pointed look and focusing on Geon's confused yet merry eyes. "Your father is such a nice man, Geonie."

Geon beamed and hugged his father's neck, nosing at his throat cutely. "Yes, yes he is! My father is the best!" Jeno smiled at him and pulled him closer, letting the kid draw stars over the top of his hand.

"How are you feeling, Jaemin? Do you need anything?" Jen asked after her hype died down, back to her usual warm, gentle state but mischievous glint in her eyes still could be seen. It was just how she functioned.

"Lee Jeno himself takes care of him and does everything he may need, I don't think he needs our help," Donghyuck said, puckering his lips at Mark who smacked his arm with a glare. "Thank gods I'm still your guard or I would chop that pretty hand of yours."

"You really can't but anyways."

"We still haven't eaten," Jeno said, cutting off their bullshit. "Geon, would you want to eat with us?"

"I already ate my dinner, smartie," Geon said, looking too fed up with his father. Then his face beamed. "That was a trick question! You wanted to see if I ate or not!"

Laughing shortly, Jeno kissed his cheeks and pinched them until they painted rosy as if he couldn't stand his son's cuteness. He stood up with Geon and placed him on Jen's lap, who immediately continued the job her brother left unfinished. They were a family for this little kid, Jaemin could say it as he watched the way Geon escaped Jen and hid between Mark's legs, causing those vile, brutal pirates to laugh with so much mirth. _A child's innocence brings everyone together, even the worst people on earth, but thankfully they are not that bad_. That moment he understood the reason of Castle's brightness. It was Geon. His radiance was outshining everything and bringing life to whatever he touched, loved and cared for, even the marble he was sliding over seemed to let him because he was so innocent when he glowed with stardust high on his cheeks. A child's happiness lit way brighter than a thousands of torches. 

Something shifted between Jaemin and Jeno after that, but he couldn't pinpoint yet. The latter never abstained showing his affection and compassion over him, but it seemed to evolve something else as his hands also found themselves a new splendid place to rest on Jaemin's body. Whenever Jeno's big hand touched his waist and caressed the length of his spine, Jaemin shuddered weakly and sighed with relief. He had never been sexually attracted to anyone, but Jeno was slowly getting under his skin.

Jen taught him how to use a pistol after he could smoothly move without pain that occasionally came within exertion. For Jaemin who never even held a knife, learning how to aim with a gun was such an experience. He thought he'd suck at it but when he perfectly shot the empty bottles, even Jen was surprised.

"At first try," she said through haze. "You are a damn beast, Jaemin."

When she happily reported Jeno what happened, older man raised a brow and wanted to see it himself. Jaemin didn't know why, perhaps it was the intense gaze of hazel eyes that pushed him to miss the aim and accidentally shot a tree but he definitely made a fool out of himself in front of Jeno. Cheeks blushing, he mumbled he'd try again. When he missed again, Jen was trying to kick Jeno out of garden so he wouldn't distract Jaemin who was cupping his face with shame crawling up to his face.

"It's alright, calico," Jeno blew air across his ear and grabbed Jaemin's tunic, pulling him up with himself. "I believe that you shot the bottle at first try. Try again, hold your arm tighter and aim the red bottle."

Jaemin smiled happily when he shot the bottle, but deep down he knew he could only shoot empty things. Only people he would blow their heads off with bullets stayed far behind and people of Lofar did him nothing except welcoming him in their island. At dinner time, Taeyong came back and Jaemin's breath stuck in his throat. Blue haired man had been with Masters of Tower since they arrived the island and he finally returned, sitting right next to him at table. He didn't talk about their problem, though, as they kept it hidden from the rest of family members. Even though Jaemin knew nobody would do or say anything, they didn't need to know. After they all left one by one, only their group remained. Mark and Donghyuck knew the topic but they didn't seem enough interested to stay and listen to Taeyong's weird speeches about fate and destiny.

"What have you found, Taeyong?" Jeno asked, folding his hands over the table.

"Nothing much, unfortunately. All we know still remain the only thing we know, that Guardians of Fate only save lives in exchange of other lives and it is all done by immortal creatures, like the dead." He side-eyed Jaemin. "If Jaemin claims it was his mother who did the sacrifice, then we cannot go far from it. Gods don't talk about what they do, and they probably forget about one person that returns to life. But I'll still do some research to see if there's anything else."

Jaemin licked his lips, trying to find his voice to talk. When he did, he sounded deep and sad. "Isn't there a way to communicate with the dead?"

Taeyong scowled, looking at Jeno over Jaemin's shoulder for reassurance. "There must be," he said with hesitance, eyes soft and thoughtful. "But it does not work on every resting soul and only if God of Death lets us. If he is disturbed by our attempts, then we may as well end up dead."

"I want to try whatever I can to reach out to her. Please-" Jaemin turned to Jeno with hopeful, teary eyes, shocking the older. "Please, Jeno, let me talk to mother for a last time if there's a chance- Please."

They took her from him so unevenly, so brutally that Jaemin didn't even have time to kiss her, hold her hands for a last time. His father didn't even tell him his mother would be executed that day but Jaemin knew, he felt it, he noticed the hints and broke the lock of his chambers to run until he saw his mother over the silver marble. They cut off her head just as Jaemin ran towards her but was stopped by guards at the last moment. I could have joined her right there, he thought painfully. _If I stepped into that marble, maybe father would get sick of me and decide to get rid of me just as quickly_. But he stood frozen as his mother's bloody head rolled down at his feet and the last scream died at the tip of his tongue because no scream could be heard by her anymore. No scream could take back what happened and the reality of knowing he'd never have her back hurt most during his years in Ilyrana.

But now there could be a chance. He could get to feel or see her somehow other than his dreams and if Jaemin needed to fight the god of death himself for that small chance, he would do it bravely.

"You don't have to ask from me," Jeno said. "You can do whatever you want. I will be with you no matter what."

Jaemin saw Sicheng and Jaehyun side-eye Jeno at his exclamation, as older man wouldn't normally get involved with others business but it changed when it came to Jaemin. 

"Then I will search for ways to get in touch with the soul of dead but don't be too excited, Jaemin. If it gets not only you but also rest of people in danger, you won't get to do it," Taeyong warned and left without another word. 

"Let's take you to your room," Jeno said, pulling back his chair but Sicheng cleared his throat with a sharp look.

"I think we should have a talk, Jeno," he said. "Jen can escort Jaemin back to his room so we can talk in private."

Jeno looked at him for a while, then turned to Jaemin with a tightened jaw. Slowly, he settled back on his chair and drank up a cup of wine, gesturing Jen to take younger to his room. He felt older man's gaze following him as they left the dining hall, but didn't spin around to meet his hazel eyes again. Some of the Lees were disturbed by him or at least bothered by some occurrences and they were right. It was their island, their home and Jaemin was overshadowing the whole castle with his sorrow. Nobody had to endure his pitiful ass.

While passing by portraits, he locked eyes with young girl, Hyewon. She stared at him straight in the eye and corner of her mouth was tugging down, as if demonstrating her displeasure over his presence in Crystal Castle. 

"Who is she?" He asked Jen, stopping on his tracks. He could listen to same informations again and again until he came to a conclusion about what was lacking. Something was up with this girl.

"Mark's sister," Jen waved it off, her eyes looking anywhere but Hyewon's portrait. She seemed to despise the girl. "She is nobody important, her portrait is just hanging here because she's dead and it's family tradition to honour the dead of Lees."

"She's really beautiful," he said as Jen pulled him forward. Her jaw clenched tight. 

"Yeah, she was. She's dead now," Jen stressed, as if wanting to remind herself Hyewon was gone for the better.

"Why aren't there the photos of their father and mother? Does Jeno hate them so much?"

Jen sighed, stopped and shot him a look. "Look, Jaemin, I know what you are trying to do but please respect our boundaries like we respect yours. If Jeno wants to share everything with you, then he will know the best timing. I don't even like remembering those people."

Jaemin nodded, apologizing silently. She smiled and hooked their arms, taking him to the front yard where their friends were having fun together. They spent rest of night with them, playing a game called truth or dare that he found very stupid as others couldn't suggest anything but kiss or make out. When Yangyang himself told his boyfriend to kiss Jisung, Renjun casted him a bored look and made out with a pleasant Jisung for minutes then they broke up, but made up an hour later. When they told Jen to kiss Jaemin, she giggled and kissed his cheek wetly. 

"Not like that!" Others laughed but didn't say more, as Chenle whispered something about Jeno killing them. After midnight, Jaemin excused himself and went inside the castle to look for captain. Their rooms were at the same floor but Jeno wasn't here. When he checked Geon's room as well, older man was still absent. Frowning through uneasiness, Jaemin stopped a maid to ask where Lord Lee was but she flushed and ducked her head, escaping the hall quickly. He felt Jeno's presence rather than seeing or hearing him. 

Captain was wandering the halls of castle with a naked chest, a towel hanging low on his waist and all wet as if he didn't dry himself a little after the bath. He'd get sick if he walked around wet and bare, was he stupid or something?

"You will catch a cold," Jaemin mumbled, holding his wrist and taking him to his room. Jeno's room was very messy, crowded and personal with so many maps, books, papers and a pistol collection that he side-eyed. How nice it'd have been to possess one of them, just as an accessory, not that he would get into fights with a gun. When he turned to look at Jeno, the lethal smile of older man sent a shiver down his spine, causing him to arch his back sensitively. He swallowed roughly, unable to look away from that sickening smile. Jeno looked ready to devour Jaemin whole. "Geon would be saddened if you get sick."

Jeno took a step forward, closing the gap between them and Jaemin instinctively looked down at Jeno's bare feet. Even walking bare feet, this man was strange and gross. 

"Little calico is concerned about everything but his own," Jeno whispered, voice low and sensual despite the sentence. Jaemin looked up to meet his gaze, feverish hazel eyes roaming on his blank face. "It must be quite difficult to put others before you when you're struggling to see beyond your sight."

"I care for myself dearly, hence why I jumped off and tried to die," Jaemin snapped, watching a muscle twitch in Jeno's tight jaw. Hazel eyes slowly began turning brown.

"You sucked at it as well."

Jaemin frowned up at him. "What's your problem? You don't have to remind my failure when I very well know I have done."

With a sneer that suited for a pirate like him, Jeno passed by him, brushing their shoulders hard, and entered the closet to change into night clothes. Anger coiling in his chest, Jaemin followed and invaded his privacy as the other had dropped the towel, standing stark naked but none of them cared. Jeno shot him a look, witnessing his challenge and deciding two could play this game. Fully turning to Jaemin all in his naked glory, Jeno showcased his sculpted body that was battle-forged. As rough as the sea he marched, as rigid as the ship that he commanded. He was so naturally charming and handsome, strength in the muscle of his arms, power to his smart words and deep voice. Upon seeing him, the fish jumped out of the water excitedly. Waters opened the way when they saw his ship and other sailors looked for a hollow to crawl and run his wrath.

"I'm just trying to finish the puzzle," Jeno said, putting on pants and tunic that fit his body almost too perfectly. "My family members are restless because they know nothing of you, the dangers you can push us into, and I value their questions. They are right. Without knowing who you are fully, I'm keeping you in my home."

"Then don't. You are the one who insisted that I'd come with you." 

"What else would you do out there?" Jeno snapped, walking on him but he didn't seem raged, it was almost as if Jaemin's calmness soothed him as well. "You wouldn't die quickly like you wished. Don't be deceived by the loud and colorful streets of Lofar, they're full of rapists and psychos who wait in ambush to harm others. I wouldn't leave behind anyone who needs my help."

Jaemin swallowed dryly. "Is it the only reason you've taken me under your wing? Would you do all of it to others as well?"

Jeno sighed deeply, eyes turning green forests with a heavy mist that Jaemin was yet to surpass. "You know I wouldn't." he looked away. "But it isn't our topic right now."

"If you're trying to finish the puzzle by yourself, I can give you some pieces," Jaemin said, leaning in closer to whisper. In the reflection of green orbs, he saw himself: under the scars, he was still a beautiful boy and it was what hooked Jeno on him. "But you will tell me something in return as well."

Jeno nodded, excited to get a part of Jaemin's life on display. He was dying to learn more and everything about him, and it made younger smile painfully. What's done was done, no point in dwelling. The fate was already written and performed, ink dry, paper creased and some leads were dead. "My father killed my mother."

His pulse thrummed in his ears, heart skipping a beat when Jeno scoffed curiously, green eyes flickering across Jaemin's face to make sure of his point. He looked to the side with a huff of air that stabbed Jaemin's lungs, paining him greatly, afraid of what Jeno, Butcher of Lofar, would confess about his life. They collectively ignored breathing until Jeno talked, and even then, Jaemin's breath was stuck to his throat. "I killed Geon's mother."

Rest of the night until morning was blurry to Jaemin because after his confession, Jeno left the closet and smoked pipe at balcony. He recalled joining the older man, snuggling closer to him as coldness engulfed them like a blanket. He forbade himself to think about Geon's mother and Jeno's confession because as ruthless as it was, killing your child's mother, deep down Jaemin knew there was a good reason to it. Exact reason this man oozed danger and restrained power, the darkness upon his eyes like the wings of angel of death. Jaemin could also kill his father if he could, so he didn't judge why others would do similar things. Fate never worked on their behalf.

In the morning, he woke up in Jeno's bed, in his room but there was no trace from man himself. Last night he carried Jaemin inside when he fell asleep and left the chambers, didn't come back. Where was he? Probably with his son. They spent mornings together if Jeno didn't have a case of emergency to attend. The bed smelled of Jeno, spicy, heavy, a mix of pipe and sweat that tickled his nose as he pressed himself deeper into the sheets. Jaemin stared at the abyssal darkness of the floor and walls that were all spotlessly clean and polished. Despite how cobalt the castle was, it was never too suffocating. 

It was Jen who barged inside and shrieked upon seeing him in her brother's bed, but thankfully noticed nothing heated happened since Jaemin was all clothed. It didn't stop her from shaking his shoulders and begging him to confess if something was going on between them because she was overjoyed like that at the thought of her brother finally getting laid. 

"He probably has a dozen of whores to sleep with, Jen," he told her, while they sat cross-legged in the bed. She patted his knee softly.

"Jeno is a whole celibate, especially after Geon's birth he even stopped flirting with maids."

"But he had sex when he was too young. He doesn't seem to be that much of a celibate," Jaemin carefully said, watching Jen's face closely. She nodded, though it looked dull and empty.

"It's a whole another story," she said with hooded eyes. "Let's go have breakfast. We will go to Fortune Hill today."

Jaemin watched as Jen stood up, tidied up her clothes and smiled at him widely. "What is it?" 

"Surprise!"

Fortune Hill was located few miles away from the Castle, an eerily lonely and creepy place. As far as Jen said, it was a very popular place in Lofar. A big lake was extending along the way down the hill, green and limpid. There was a huge oak tree where people hung their wishes on branches, colourful piece of cloths and papers would decorate the tree all the time, swaying with the soft breeze that always scanned the area. The lake was yet another magical thing. People said the waters showed your future only if you hung your true wish, completely genuine. If you didn't hang what your heart really wished, then the waters would end up in dark, implying your life would never mean anything since you lived with a pack of lies.

They walked on foot to Fortune Hill; Jen, Chenle and Jisung, also a few guards that followed them from behind. While passing the streets of Lofar, Jaemin thought about what Jeno said about them, the truth that laid beneath the mirth and colour of island. There were bad people everywhere all around the world, and Jaemin knew when given a chance, everybody had the capacity to become a monster and crush the weak. He had witnessed it all as the prince of Ilyrana. One would think he was respected as Na Jaemin, but even the palace folk mocked at his face. After his mother died, there was really nobody to protect him from evil snarls and sneers of heartless people.

"The act of placing your deepest wishes and hopes on a tree branch is more than just a beautiful activity, it is metaphorical. It is highly believed that the wishes travel straight to heaven and are heard by the gods," Jen told him when they arrived Fortune Hill, a few people here and there. The wind was harsher, almost toppling his scarred body as they marched against it.

"Tear a piece of your tunic," she said when they stood before the giant tree, all green with big leaves and colourful remnants of wishes. Jaemin did as she told, tearing a small piece that could he tied on a branch and stared at her unsure of next step. "Now, clear your mind and tell your wish as you hang it. Your greatest, deepest wish and hope."

Jaemin hesitantly looked at a branch, rising on his tiptoes to reach. _I wish I was dead_ , he thought but his lips betrayed him, keeping the words locked inside. What would happen if he was dead? Perhaps even at afterlife, he couldn't find and join his mother, maybe there still would be obstacles between them. _Do I want to die?_ Yes, he did, too much that he jumped off without a second thought but he couldn't bring himself to think death was the only way out. The glimmer of hope that grew in a chink and spread inside of him was a silent reminder that he was reborn for a reason. He was sent to Lofar for a reason. He was found by Jeno for a reason. 

A new life was presented for him to finally bask in the moment.

"I want to be happy," he murmured while tying the cloth, and he wasn't sure if it was an illusion but the leaves leaned down to stroke his face tenderly. 

Jaemin didn't have great wishes and hopes. He didn't wish to have a great wealth, wear expensive jewelry or rule the world. Happiness was the smile that Geon put on his face, strong touch of Jeno on his waist and feeling of freedom in a stranger land. It wasn't gold or treasures that made him happy: he had lots of it in Ilyrana and he ended up killing himself. Genuine happiness was something he wanted and looked for to fill the emptiness in his life. This was what his mother wanted from him. When he walked up to the lake, the waters shined brightly under the autumn sun. It seemed heavy like a swamp, as if you couldn't see the surface again once you sank deep but Jaemin didn't want to lay all alone at the bottom. For once, he wanted to climb higher and touch the sky. 

Jaemin wanted to live fully.

The water remained bright but didn't show him anything, just glowing purple for a moment. Confused, Jaemin looked around to see everybody gawking at him with agape mouths. He became more confused, mind laced with the unknown purple glow that seemed to catch everyone's attention. On their way to Castle, Jen told him the lake never glowed another colour for anyone, hence she had no idea what it meant. At the gates of castle, Jeno greeted them with Geon on his lap. Small kid waved at them with a wide grin.

"Lady Yena is calling us to her party," Jeno said, eyes focused on Jaemin's face. Though he was still immersed in the lake and its glow, he smiled back at him shyly, feeling his cheeks tint pink when captain's gaze intensified with desire. "We are leaving right now. You guys can go change your outfits and join us at the castle."

Jen kissed Geon's cheeks and ran inside to get ready, though Jaemin lingered behind to spend some more time with Jeno who handed his son to Mark and pulled them in a corner. 

"How was the Fortune Hill?" He asked but it wasn't what he cared about. 

"Have you ever gone here? What did the lake show you?"

Jeno shrugged despite the tight clench of his jawline. "It just glowed bright, nothing else."

Jaemin halted, surprised by the similarity but before he could point it out, Jeno raised a hand and brushed his bangs away. Many of his scars were fading slowly, leaving little pink marks behind which he doubted would ever pass. Jeno tapped his fingers somewhere close to his fair hairline, brows etched in a scowl. "There is a little scab that hasn't healed yet. How is your leg?"

"It's fine," Jaemin said nonchalantly, despite the ache of his heart because he did this to himself. How could a human do this to themselves? While burning in a hell made of pain, you forgot how the outside world felt like. The fall from hell wasn't anything better and it showed Jaemin that there were worse fates waiting for attack if you didn't like another one. People had long been prisoned by their fates; after all, fates came in a wide range of suffering.

Slowly, in tune with their heartbeats, Jeno's hazel eyes scanned his whole face. His pupils had widened, compressing the colors of the iris. "Little calico is carrying his scars with pride but I wish to see him embrace his future with same passion."

"Are you going to be in it?" Jaemin asked. If possible, Jeno's eyes darkened as if overshadowed by night sky. Giving a strict nod, older man cupped his face and embraced him with warmth. Heart always beat, but very few people could change the rhythm and for Jaemin, that rare person was Jeno. He rubbed their noses together, sighing into blond's lips. This new feeling was disorienting but Jaemin thought he could get used to it. Captain's warm eyes radiated more protectiveness than anything else did.

When somebody cleared their throat, Jaemin looked to the side and blushed upon seeing Mark and Hyuck gawk at them. Pulling away quickly, he murmured something about getting dressed and ran inside. He tried to recollect himself in the castle, breathing in and out thickly as if the earth was swallowing him. With a shy smile on his face, he entered his room and looked at the clothes maids left for him. Pink lace shirt, cute white pants, a thin veil to tie around his neck. As he put on the clothes, he wondered who chose these for him, as the pants perfectly snatched his waist and showed off his curves. The shirt was a little see-through but since it had small lace details, his body wouldn't peep out. 

While he stood unsure of what to do with his hair, Jen came in and stared at him with fascination. He shyly gestured at his tousled hair. "I think I need a little help."

"Jaemin, my beautiful friend, I think my dumbass brother wants to fuck you," she said instead, looking serious. His eyes almost bulged out with shock. "Why else would a single man send such clothes to another single man? Ahh, I can't believe Jeno is finally getting laid."

"Even if it happens," Jaemin gulped, shame washing over him. "It is something between us. Please don't start rumors, everybody is already cautious of me."

"Rumors are already going around but of course, I'll stay quiet."

She grabbed a comb, pushed him to sit down and began making his hair. It was still short since Jaemin didn't let grow past his ears, always styling bangs to cover his forehead. Jen parted his fringe and braided to the back of his head, pining with a flower clasp. Styling rest of his loose hair, she did some skilled touches and he was ready- he thought so.

"Wait, I have an idea!" She exclaimed and ran out of the room, loud sound of her running the hall making him giggle as he wrapped his arms around his knees and waited for her to come back while looking at himself in the mirror. He looked pretty, even despite the scars and it was the first time he ever prinked up since his mother's death. His smile died quickly. She would love seeing him all pretty and dolled up, wouldn't she? His mother would always gift him the best silk and accessories of Ilyrana, saying that her son deserved to have more than these but she was wrong. He only deserved a happy life with her and it was taken from him. Founding himself a new life here over the ruins of her sounded too wrong yet Jaemin couldn't help wanting the little chance of being happy with Jeno. They would live in the castle, share a room, sleep and wake up together with tangled limbs. Sometimes Geon would come to sleep between them and Jaemin would take care of him like his own, and he would love him so much in return. Could he have it?

When Jen came back with a small box, she put on some glitters on his eyelids and below his eyes that glowed bright in darkness. They could only leave the castle after evening and guards seemed bored whilst waiting for them outside. Jaemin was hugging the soft cloak on the way to Lady Yena's party, the carriage passing by dancing people and oil lamps that were probably the best invention in this world because he hated torches and candlesticks. Since he didn't let maids into his mother's room in Ilyrana, he always had to light the candles himself and burned himself accidentally countless times.

Lady Yena's castle was pretty close to Fairy's Peak, and even from carriage Jaemin could see a white path to the mountain. Wondering if they were going to visit the colourful mountain, he stepped out of carriage. The castle was very noisy and dynamic, servants and guests scurrying around, some of them hit him and Jen saw it in herself to start a fight but he begged her to just go inside. They were already too late.

"Fucking aristocrats," she cursed as they headed to the garden where party was happening. The guards saw Jen and immediately recognised her, giving them way with elegant head bows. "We usually don't come to such parties but Lady Yena is an old friend of Jeno. One of his rare friends that you don't come across often."

"He's a pirate captain and Lord Lee of Lofar. I'm sure he has plenty of friends," Jaemin said, looking at people who were too drunk already, swaying to the music an orchestra played at a high platform. Where was Jeno among this crowd?

"He has many allies but barely any of them are genuine friends," Jen pointed out. Then she cackled. "Everybody is looking at you. You are so handsome tonight, Jaemin."

He blinked flatly. "I don't think so," he said but she just hummed as if she knew the secrets of universe.

"You don't see them because you're looking for somebody else."

He ignored her cheeky voice and kept searching for Jeno until he locked eyes with hazel orbs across the garden. Upon seeing them, he began striding towards them and Jaemin's foot worked without his command, taking him to older man. When they met in middle, Jaemin took his time to drink in his dark eye make-up, the white shirt exposing half of his tan, rigid chest and subtle curl of his lips. 

"You've taken forever," Jeno said, watching him with big, focused eyes as if he couldn't miss a move from Jaemin. "Glitters were Jen's idea, wasn't it? She loves applying them on everybody."

His hand cupped Jaemin's cheek and glitter smeared on his fingertips, but Jeno didn't seem to care. His long fingers caressed the skin and his palm was so warm across Jaemin's cheek that his eyes almost shut close with sensation. It was a brand new feeling for him but he thought he could welcome it in his heart, yet to fully open up to this wild man. _Whatever will be, will be in the end._

Jeno introduced him to Lady Yena, a young, pretty woman close to her thirties. She shook his hand and told him how beautiful he was with a sincere smile, then offered him light drinks because alcohol just wasn't his taste. Geon was inside the castle with Lady Yena's children, watched over by best guards of both parents because they cared for their kids more than anything. An hour later, Jeno went to check on Geon and came back within few minutes, saying he was kicked out for embarrassing _Lord Geon_ in front of other children and guards. "You are tainting my image, dad!"

Jaemin laughed at Jeno's imitation while Jen praised herself about raising her nephew right.

"Children hate being doted on next to other kids," Lady Yena said. "Jeno still doesn't know a kid's prons and cons."

Jaemin nodded, not sure what to say. Geon wasn't his son, and smallest kid he had ever encountered had been his father's newborn. Not that Jaemin ever focused on that seed of cheap whore. His crown was taken from him and given to the little boy who didn't even know how to read at that age nor could form a proper sentence. Even if his father and wife couldn't ruin Ilyrana, their stupid son would surely live up to expectations. It was what they all deserved. 

"You've spaced out, calico," Jeno said, closer to him than before, their chests touching softly. "Aren't you having fun?"

"Not my kind of place," Jaemin whispered, hypnotized by the rise of Jeno's muscular chest. 

"Would you want to go somewhere else then? I have been thinking about taking you to Fairy's Peak." 

Jaemin looked at the mountain, highly confused. "What's in the mountain?"

"There is cavern in my name, it's not too high. Come," Jeno grabbed his hand, telling Jen to watch over Geon and pulling them out of the castle. They paddled through the crowd of people, passed by big dragon gargoyles and reached the white path around the foothills of Fairy's Peak. There were way too many people around, most of them being couples at that and Jaemin chewed on his bottom lip upon remembering what Jen told about lovers coming here to spend time. Was he Jeno's lover?

"You're too quiet," Jeno said, turning to look at Jaemin as he was leading the way. "Why has calico stopped chirping?"

"I don't chirp."

"You'd be cute doing so," Jeno murmured. They climbed a little higher and arrived a silent place, where the colours shined so bright it almost blinded Jaemin. When he opened his pained eyes, they were inside a big, shimmering cavern with enough furniture to design a cottage. 

"Is it your place?" He asked, walking up to the paintings hung on the wall. They were the paintings of a little kid, a young girl, and three other children. First one was Geon, second girl was Jennie and last children, from what he was supposing, Jeno, Jen and Hyewon. He only saw dead girl's portrait a few times but he could make out those coy, childish features and curly hair everywhere, at any age. "She is Mark's sister, isn't she? Hyewon was such a pretty girl."

Jeno nodded slowly, looking at the painting. His hazel eyes were heaved down with a mix of longing and agony. It was a short moment but more than enough to understand Hyewon was Jeno's prison, the shackles that anchored him in solitude and there was no way to get rid of this young girl who was incarnated in him. Sometimes your nightmares wouldn't end but they'd lessen, which was something Jaemin wanted to believe in to work for him because no human could endure such pain. He couldn't endure this in Ilyrana and wanted to die because he had nothing to keep him alive, nobody to heal him or simply hold his hand through storms. Jaemin had always been alone after his mother. Because she was with him since his birth, he always believed they'd reunite when they were both dead. _Humans return to the darkness they're born when they die._ It was simple glimmer of hope that pushed him over the edge and brought him here, to a new life.

"Come with me," Jeno said all of a sudden, walking to a ladder that led somewhere dark. When he was out of sight, Jaemin followed him with hesitant steps, though he knew Jeno wouldn't put him in the middle of danger. It was only colorful stones shining to show him the way or else he wouldn't find his way. When silver-blue flakes appeared ahead of him, Jaemin halted to admire the way they swung in the air. Beyond them, darkness led to heaven and his jaw dropped open, no sound coming. The glass dome showed the sky, the stars shining brightly as if they were lined up right above the dome. Silver moonlight fell upon the whole area, turning the colourful mountain to a dull, sculptured place. The silver added them an ethereal glow, stars slowly spinning in the dome. As they moved, the shadows moved too. Jaemin couldn't believe his eyes.

The stars were at the tip of his fingers.

The whole dome was so magical at every edges, exquisite and breathtaking, built inside Fairy's Peak. He didn't even know how it was possible, as the mountain clearly didn't have a dome from outside but perhaps the stars whispered him the secret: magic. A piece of heaven presenting itself only for him. When his eyes landed on Jeno standing before a blue spruce, sweetness benumbed him, way too much than his weak body could carry.

"Jeno," he whispered, reaching out to him, wrapping his arms around his neck. His boldness surprised the other, as he hesitantly gripped the sides of Jaemin's waist and his hands were big enough to engulf his whole waist. "You have no right to do this to me."

Jeno grabbed him closely and pressed their bodies together, the friction of his groin giving Jaemin goosebumps. "I haven't done anything yet, calico. You will be far more enchanted when I'm done with you."

When Jaemin slotted their lips, the silver place brightened around them but for him, there was only Jeno's mouth to feel: wet, plump and lustful as he devoured Jaemin's taste with desire that left his legs shaking. They dangled in air when Jeno pulled him up, his strength making younger moan into his hot cave shamelessly. Getting shy of his action, Jaemin shut his eyes roughly and just focused on kissing older man to ignore the heat of his cheeks but Jeno had other plans. He pulled away, licking a stripe over his reddened lips and younger collapsed onto him, weak and defeated. He couldn't fight against this.

Jeno's hands cupped his face and it fit in his hands beautifully. "You're so pretty," he mumbled between deep breaths, placing a kiss on the side of Jaemin's mouth, his chin, his cheeks. "You're so unbelievably pretty, calico. Most beautiful angel descended on earth."

Jaemin tugged at Jeno's raven hair and shyly tucked his face into his shoulder but it only caused him to get bolder. His warm hand stroked Jaemin's waist, folding shirt up and kneading at his bare body daringly. Arching into the warmth of his hand, Jaemin accidentally rutted their groins and it made him cry out with strange pleasure that shot up his bare spine. He never had anybody to touch him this way, so territorial and possessive as if they knew each other since the beginning of time. If a mere touch made him so vulnerable, he couldn't even imagine how he'd end up at the end of night and he was looking forward to find out.

Kissing Jeno again, Jaemin wrapped his legs around him and rose in his arms to grab the raven head between his hands. His fingers threaded into messy locks and disappeared out of sight, stroking the scalp of Jeno as they continued kissing under silver glass and moving stars that matched their steps while travelling a million of universes just through their lips. Jeno steadied him by holding his hips, roughly gripping at younger's lithe curves as if he'd been wanting to do this for years. Not years maybe but months since it'd been more than six months Jaemin woke up in this world.

They pulled away to breathe out and ended up on the ground, Jeno laying his body over the grass ever so gently in comparison to the impatience of his rough, lascivious hands that roamed all over Jaemin's chest through thin shirt. He didn't seem willing to let go of Jaemin before savouring the chance to reduce him into a whimpering mess, which he was quite good at because even the dry feeling of his hands drove younger crazy.

"What do you want? Tell me and I'll serve you, my little calico," Jeno climbed higher, levelling their gaze as he stared Jaemin down with darkened hazel eyes. He leaned in and kissed his lips again, but softer and slower this time as he just devoured Jaemin's bottom lip between his teeth. Younger moaned into his mouth, eyes rolling back at the sensation of having a man like Jeno between his lips, under his eyes, on his palm because this man would do anything for him.

"Fuck me," Jaemin whispered, hectic eyes watching Jeno groan with a delirious twist of his face. He rutted down on him, sucking hickeys onto Jaemin's neck with erratic, inpatient lips and it made him smile. Older man was over the moon.

"Have you ever done this before?" Jeno asked with a hoarse voice, caging Jaemin's head between his arms and staring him down amorously. Shaking his head slightly, younger shrunk into himself for being too inexperienced but Jeno just nodded and kissed his cheeks. "I won't hurt you, do you trust me? Tell me if something hurts you, I'll instantly stop."

Jaemin nodded this time, watching Jeno sink lower with strong arms that bulged through his tight shirt. Deciding to get rid of that extra clothing, he took it off and Jaemin may or may have not moaned at the sight of his beautiful body. It must be the devil that incarnated into him because this body and sensation could only belong to hell's malicious guard. When he saw the strings of his pants were at the back, he flipped Jaemin over on his stomach and the latter flushed furiously at the display of power and dominance. Arching his back to push his hips higher, he shuddered upon feeling Jeno's hands fold his shirt up to his chest and kiss the line of his spine shortly.

While Jeno was working on his pants, Jaemin took off his shirt and leaned back again, cold dome making him shiver but Jeno's presence was quick to warm him. He wasn't hesitant to show off his scarred body because Jeno had already seen it many times and still touched him like Jaemin was the most beautiful thing in the world. When one of Jeno's hands kneaded at his waist, he pitifully noticed how much weight he lost in a span of few months. The cold air struck his bare hips after Jeno pulled his pants down, having no trouble taking it off and leaving his body bare all for himself. Hiding his red face into his arms, Jaemin felt that part of him nobody had ever touched twitch eagerly. Every fiber on his body wanted Jeno.

"What do you want now?" Jeno's voice was deep, low and guttural. His hands grabbed Jaemin's hips and stroked tenderly, sending sensual shivers along his body. "Can I play with you?"

Jaemin moaned at the choice of words, feeling his hole clench deliriously once Jeno grazed fingers along the line of his ass. "Yes, please yes. I'll tell you if I don't like it."

It must be the answer he'd been wanting to hear because with a content hum, he began kissing Jaemin's ass but unfortunately for him, there wasn't much to squeeze. He really was flat down there. When Jeno's sinful tongue brushed across his hole, Jaemin let out the loudest moan of night and it was just the first of countless more times. Time floated when it was Jeno who held him through his first sex, but it was no less pleasant. After Jeno played with him as he asked for, he flipped Jaemin again and placed him on his lap while sinking into yet another deep, wet kiss that left them gaping and gasping desperately.

Wrapping his arms around younger's shoulders, gripping at his nape, rubbing their crotches, Jeno was leading the whole session with unshakeable dominance that pushed Jaemin to quiver like a real calico bird. If he was a bird, Jeno was a predator that caught him between his sharp teeth which were now biting into his skin, suckling red marks over. Jaemin was incoherently whispering embarrassing things at this point, pulling at raven hair harshly and swaying in his arms. As if Jeno also noticed his squirms, he dropped him again and opened his legs on each sides of his own. Being exposed like that did something to Jaemin, he felt his cock twitch with excitement and chewed on his bottom lip with shame and boldness because the intensity of hazel eyes was worth to witness. 

"You are fucking breathtaking," Jeno murmured, dipping to press kisses over the hollow of Jaemin's belly where a long, pink scar remained from the fall. It made butterflies dance in his chest that his scarred body was admired highly, not that anybody had the right to dislike his scars but knowing how bad humans could get, Jeno's kindness was appreciated.

He let out a sigh, throwing his head back once Jeno pushed a finger into him, thrusting in and out slowly while waiting for Jaemin to get used to the burn of stretch. It felt amazing, pain didn't matter, it was a cherry on top. Drilling his hips into the finger, blond fisted at the grass with delirious pleasure he felt by a mere finger that made him reach a state of ecstasy he never dared imagining. This whole scenery was so weird to him, as it was beyond everything he had known and wanted but life was an unknown thing full of surprises. It always revealed another scenario for humans like him who no longer expected anything from fate and destiny. 

Jaemin would never guess he'd feel something other than suffering after his mother's death but here he was unravelling under a wild, gentle hearted pirate's hands as if he never suffered before and it was the best feeling he got to experience.

One finger was replaced by two, then three fingers, stretching him wide for Jeno's girth. Thought of having his cock inside himself flustered Jaemin, as his legs shook weakly and older man placed chaste kisses on his skin to calm him down. When Jeno made sure he was stretched open, he spread his legs wider and settled between them, holding the base of his cock and thrusting into Jaemin's hole with a moan that reached the stars at the dome and shook them. Jeno grabbed his hands and held them tightly as he experimentally fucked in and out of Jaemin, making the boy cry out of pleasure. He had never cried with any decent feelings before. How did Jeno manage to become the first and only of so many things about Jaemin? 

Jeno fucked like a dream, with strength and fervour but also caring because he didn't seem to harm Jaemin any way. The latter couldn't think of anything else except the burn and stretch of his hole, moaning at the way captain's cock filled him fully, reaching every part of younger that was untouched. His thrusts were slow and deep, squeezing the soft flesh of Jaemin's thighs as they opened wider for Jeno just as he wished. His hair was damp with sweat, hazel eyes dark with lasciviousness and Jaemin came at the mesmerising sight of older man who looked surprised at his sudden release.

"You must have been holding it for a long time," he mused, and Jaemin cupped his face with shame while laughing at his statement. How embarrassing. Jeno joined his laughter, a moment weirdly intimate for the heated sex they were having but he didn't find it odd. 

Jeno angled his legs and leaned over Jaemin's body, fucking into him faster and sloppier. He pushed younger's hands off and kissed him wetly, an arm encircling his waist and other cupping his face as he relentlessly fucked Jaemin, sticky cum making the slide of their chests easier. As Jeno got more erratic, Jaemin hugged his neck and held on to his shoulder for a steady ground because he felt like falling. He did not want to fall again. _Calico bird should fly high in the sky and find his new family. I'm not crashing again._

When Jeno filled him with his warm cum and continued fucking him through over-stimulation, Jaemin hugged him tighter and screamed into void dome. If little fairy who painted the mountain was resting somewhere out there, she must already been awake due to his cries and screams. Before he realized what's happening, he was coming for a second time and Jeno seemed to have the stamina of a bear as his pace never faltered. But he felt Jaemin's exertion and slowed down, doing some deep, heavy thrusts. He pulled away and kissed Jaemin's lips while chasing his next orgasm, kissing his tears of pleasure away.

"You are so beautiful like this, calico. You are gorgeous," Jeno grumbled, biting his ear as he started releasing his cum into Jaemin again, finally pulling out. Taking deep breaths to collect himself, soothe the raging beat of his heart, Jaemin squirmed under Jeno and cupped his face to thumb at the smeared eye make-up, dripping from sides with sweat. He didn't think he looked any better, as bitter taste of glitters rolled inside his mouth. 

"That was perfect," Jaemin murmured, harsh rising of his chest striking Jeno's and causing a deeper growl rumble in his throat. He kissed the mole under hazel eye and gasped across his cheek. "Thank you for this."

"You don't have to thank me for everything. I will do anything for you as long as you want as well."

Jaemin watched Jeno's eyes, pushing his hair back and tucking behind his ear. His own ear was sore from how hard Jeno bit down. "Kiss me then."

Jeno did, as lustful as ever and Jaemin lost himself in the flow of his fire. When they slowly slid into a sleepy state, they hugged each other all bare under the stars and Jeno dozed off with soft snores. Before Jaemin joined him, the dome was suddenly lightened up by something too crystalline, bright and heart-clenching. He felt like he was pulled into kind of a trance, staring without batting his eyes. A single flower, pale and delicate, glowed like a pearl in the silvery of night and intimidation of dome. He stared at the flower until he was lulled into a sweet slumber, and he saw his mother in his dream. Her head was stitched, again, paining Jaemin greatly that she was butchered so brutally and he couldn't prevent such a murder. He had a hand in his mother's unjustified execution as much as others.

 _Our wings are in our hearts. Hollowed out and cold as winter wind, down in the bones and blood, hearing_ _it in dreams,_ she told him. _Come to Ursine, my son, and we shall give each other one last hug from I'm fully gone._

He woke up in cold sweat, eyes blown wide and heart hammering roughly, shaking his entire body. Sucking in a breath, he clutched at his chest and thought about his mother's words. Come to Ursine. _I will._ Was it in this world of guns and pirates? Even if it was at the other side of world, he would find that place. He couldn't think of anything else but reaching his mother, holding her hands again, feeling her soft presence that'd give him the serenity of thousand years.

Jaemin looked at the side, seeing Jeno's sleepy figure wrapped around him. He stared at older man's soft features, taken over by innocence that was rare to witness within him. I can't drag him everywhere, Jaemin thought as he escaped his hands and stood up from the bed. Jeno must have carried him inside some time, but he didn't even notice. He grimaced at the sharp pain of his ass and body, bruised by Jeno who made him taste the best time of his life. Something he wanted to have more of because it was so addicting, feeling delighted, delirious, so high and happy but right now, he should find his mother.

Jaemin was maniac as he changed into the clothes Jeno had draped over the chair and wore his black coat to cover his torso. Walking up to the walls with no visible opening, he was hesitant about how to leave but passed through successfully. Morning view of Lofar was pretty, as sweet melodies danced in sky and blue sea waved calmly around the island. Royal Port didn't seem too faraway but the roads were crowded with buildings. Since it was eerily early in morning, it wouldn't be such a problem. He walked down Fairy's Peak, passed the white path he took with Jeno yesterday and glanced at Lady Yena's castle at the right side that now seemed too empty. The party was done. Covering his head with the hoodie of cloak, Jaemin focused on his duty. 

His mother called him to Ursine and he would find out where it was.

He couldn't drag Jeno into his own business all the time. He had a son to stay with, a big family and an island to take care of. He doubted captain would come with him to Ursine, especially after his Quartermaster and Sailing Master warned him about investing too much time on Jaemin, a stranger who came from another world. It was his own life battle, nobody else's and he really didn't have time to stay and wait for somebody else to take him to his mother.

By the time he seemed to approach Royal Port, his body was shaking with tingles of ache, his ankles at the brink of giving up. After getting fucked so hard last night, walking across the island wasn't the brightest idea. Few people in streets kept staring at him as he was stumbling weakly, hair and face tousled and dishevelled yet all he could think was Ursine. Come to Ursine, son. His mother had called him, who was he to refuse? 

When he reached the Port, he wasn't sure what to do. Marching across the big port and looking at ships with genuine admiration, he was again fascinated by the fact that all of these belonged to Jeno as the Butcher of Lofar. No ship could enter his waters unbeknown to him. No person could step into his island without his permission. And nobody could flee out of his grip. Jaemin halted when he saw Jeno, Sicheng and Taeyong ahead, standing cautious and nervous with folded hands but he wished he didn't see the look in Jeno's eyes. He thought Jaemin was abandoning him.

_He won't let me go._

Twisting his face with pain, Jaemin shook his head through tears, quickly noticing rest of guards around the port because Jeno didn't cross his way to let him go. But he had to leave. His mother was waiting for him. Walking up to Jeno with sore feet but falling on his knees at one point was the last drop for Jaemin as a pitiful scream tore out of his throat and raged the sea that waved calmly. He hated the weakling he had become, the stupid way he'd been acting, he couldn't even succeed dying let alone fleeing out of Lofar. He was a failure from head to toe and his mother must have been embarrassed to have a son like him somewhere in Underworld. Watched her get killed, mourned for her, wanted to die for her and even failed at that. He was good for nothing.

He was a weakling.

Jaemin wondered how he must have looked, splayed across the floor like a wounded bird, mouth wide open and eyes full of pain. It would hurt less if the whole world tumbled upon him. Knowing he couldn't even reach out to his mother who expected him somewhere out there was a nightmare, one which he wasn't even sleeping throughout. He recognized the sensation when Jeno's calloused hands held him. When Jeno stroked his hair and cupped his face fondly, Jaemin knew it was him without his eyes seeing. He would know him by his touch alone.

"Bring water!" He was shouting, his figure lost in the dark but the feeling of his strong presence remained by Jaemin to which he was grateful for but deep down knew he didn't deserve this man's affection. The earth slid under his foot and took him down. His mind lost the fight against pain and recoiled with fear. When Jaemin passed out, his mother didn't come to his dreams again. But smell of jasmine and jujube lingered in air, a little daffodil tucked in a corner, remnants of his mother who was long gone.

 _How many dreams have I got to waste? How many dreams and hopes to lose? When will the night end, this endless, dark, terrifying night? I have shed different parts of my soul off my fingertips. Now it all left my body. My body is broken and wrecked_ _._ There was no fix for someone like him.

Next time he woke up, a shadow was hovering above him. At first he mistook those hazel eyes for Jeno's but they belonged to Geon, who was waiting for him to awaken with pinched brows. Upon seeing Jaemin blink his eyes, he gave a loud shriek and yelled, "He is awake! Calico is awake!"

There was a lump in his throat, letters crashing each other and becoming a sputter of nonsense so he chose to remain quiet as Jen, Mark and Donghyuck flooded inside at Geon's announcement. He watched them with a flat face, their serious, taut faces. Jen took Geon off him and warned him to not disturb Jaemin, saying he was sick. 

"What about you go inform your father, hm?" She suggested, to which he nodded excitedly and ran out of the room quickly. After he left, Jen rubbed her temples to ease tension. "Have you lost your mind, Jaemin? Why did you do that?"

"You could have simply said if you wanted to leave. It's not like anyone would chain you to castle," Mark said with a raise of his eyebrows. Donghyuck sneered by his side.

"Boy is mentally unstable, can't you see? I'm sure he has no idea why he even did that."

Mark's stare was piercing and ruthless. "If he needs help, then he should leave already. We are not free therapy center."

Jen frowned at him. "Stop talking like that. Jaemin is our friend."

"We know nothing about him, how is he our friend? He is a nice mate but he doesn't belong here, as you can see from his ridiculous attempt to flee."

"Mark." Jaemin blinked out of his blank state and looked at Jeno who walked inside the room, his right hand fisting on Mark's collar. Instantly, Donghyuck leaned forward but was stopped by Mark who raised a hand to see what his cousin had to say. They looked at each other with silent and equal fury. "Jaemin is my boyfriend and he is not going anywhere because you want so. He is staying where he belongs to: by my side. Leave us alone now."

"Do as you want, perhaps it's your karma," Mark said, not effected by Jeno's pointed glare even the slightest. "I can still run our business and take care of family after you die for a stranger boy."

"Get out," Jeno said through gritted teeth, looking at Jaemin with fiery eyes. Shade of his eyes changed according to his mood and Jaemin thought it was beautiful, as brown meant tautness and anger while green showed he was content but there was no flake of green in his eyes now. They were all brown. Donghyuck grabbed Mark's arm and forced him out of room, leaving Jen behind who stared at her brother with sadness all over her small face. Jeno noticed the look of despair and cupped her face, kissing his sister's forehead gently.

"Watch over Geon until I return, would you, my beautiful?" He patted her hair softly. "Please."

Jen nodded, shooting one last look at Jaemin before leaving and closing the door. It was again two of them together, alone with boundaries set between. Jeno sat on the bed and rubbed his face roughly, as if trying to wake himself from this nightmare that trapped both of them in endless torment. 

"How did you notice I left?" Jaemin quietly asked, the lump only unlocking for Jeno who stared him down through thick lashes. He never looked at him that way, distant and unassertive. This Jeno had no idea who he was talking to, what he was doing. Jaemin let him down.

"I am a light sleeper, I was waken jp the moment you stirred in my arms and stood up. I wanted to follow you to see what you were up to."

"It's kind of creepy," Jaemin said, silent tears rolling down, and at the sight of him crying, Jeno's face softened. He leaned in to wipe his face and Jaemin instantly held on to his hand as if it was his lifeline. He didn't want to lose this little chance of being happy after spending all his life lonely and suffering.

"My father killed my mother because he wanted to marry another woman and discarded her without a remorse. Her head rolled at my feet when they executed her, Jeno, she died while looking at my eyes and I couldn't do anything. I couldn't save my mother. I had nobody, nobody but her and they took her from me, forced us into the pain of separation. I wanted to die to meet her in afterlife." He sniffled, feeling Jeno's hand tightly squeeze his face as his brows were furrowed restlessly. He was taking Jaemin's story to heart. "All I ever wanted was seeing her again, for a last time. I'd do everything for a small chance of meeting her. She was in my dream last night and told me she waited for me somewhere named Ursine. I couldn't think of anything but reaching out to her, I didn't want to you to tag along when you have got people to take care- I don't know. But I didn't want to abandon you."

Jeno leaned over him and kissed his tears, sighing into his skin ruefully. "Who says you're not a part of my family?" He whispered, placing kisses over tear marks and planting springs on his winter ridden skin. "I will take you to your mother, do you hear me? I will split the sea, crush the ships on my way and reunite you with her. We will go together to wherever your mother wanted you, alright? My calico bird will never have to fly alone again."

Jaemin sobbed, holding on to Jeno's body as they hugged tightly. _I won't crash again,_ he thought as Jeno kissed his neck sweetly. _Neither will he._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jaemin's story isn't something easy, and despite wanting a new life he still wants to fulfill his purpose of reaching his mother for a last time. That's why he grew kind of maniac at the end only immersed in going to his mother. I like writing him because in a way he had no personality trait, hobbies on his own in Ilyrana because he was chained in his pain. In Lofar he's blossoming sweetly and finding new parts of himself.
> 
> Ughh Jeno is so hot I can't stand pirate Jeno. New ship scenes next chapter let's go! 
> 
> Share your thoughts with me bubs! See you later.. And NCT, my babies, I wish they weren't forced to perform in the middle of pandemic but fucking capitalism. I hope they're all good and healthy, as you are. Please stay safe and take care, don't forget wearing your mask. I wish the best for everybody who has to go to school or work. 
> 
> 💚💜


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okk guys this is the end. Last step of Jaemin's journey of accepting his new life and giving it a chance. I hope you loved him as much as I did, as well as our wild, hazel eyed captain Jeno. 
> 
> Good readings!!

Jaemin saw wings in his dream. They were plucked and chained down, poorly fluttering but not flying at all. Not strong enough to free themselves, yet they were determined and devoted. He was in a dull grey, high-ceiled room in his dream. Sunlights reflected through large windows but they didn't illuminate the room at all, only glowing yellowish like a sense of elation. There was a chair another Jaemin sat, black loose dress exposing his bare legs and cleavage, delicate and pretty. His hand moved liquidly on the canvas in front of him, every harsh rub of the brush spread darkness around the room full of flying birds.

The birds flew higher up, plucked feathers floating behind and tangling with others. Other Jaemin kept sitting on the chair like none of this happened, immersed in his painting. He couldn't help noticing how weak and skinny his dream self looked, wrists as fragile as glass. Any rough breath across his skin could break him in half.

Jaemin shuddered and his body in the dream also stirred, eyes going darker as he moved the brush faster and smudged darker images, giving life to the birds that circled the room. He tried reaching the canvas and his own self by striding through the wall of birds but they beat him with their wings and pointed noses, mouths opening to chirp but no sounds came. Then Jaemin noticed how silent it was in the room. A sensitive tingle of silence with no signs of life, like no human or a creature had been here. It was scary and grisly. Fear squeezed his heart and blobs of fear dripped down. He saw a drop of blood when he looked at the floor and checked out his body with fussy hands.

When birds pushed him forward, he made eye contact with his own self. Jaemin in his dream was a menacing, aloof thing. Lips set in a tight, thin line, with weak limbs and a flash of intimidation dancing in his multi-coloured, auld eyes. So beautiful and powerful but he was also as deadly as he was pretty.

It was so unique. The sting of his mouth wouldn't pass even if he talked for years. The rush inside his mind wouldn't stop, his heartbeats wouldn't slow down. When Jaemin looked at the painting, he trembled upon seeing his mother's beautiful face drawn too perfect. Suddenly loud chirps bored through dull silence, making Jaemin scream and fall on his knees as the birds surrounded his body like a bunch of predators. His other self kept sitting on the chair and looking down at him, with his legs crossed like a gentleman. His brush was black but it dripped red like blood. Jaemin cried out, hating the way his dream self stared at him as if he was just a rat feeding in a corner. His controlled gaze made him feel so worthless and ashamed. It couldn't be him.

Dream Jaemin tilted his chin with arrogance and stabbed the brush into canvas coldly, right across his mother's face. The painting screamed and Jaemin woke up in cold sweat, with his head spinning and vomit pooling at the tip of his tongue. There were sounds of wings fluttering in the air but he saw nothing when he looked around.

"Calico, are you alright?"

He spinned his head so hard his neck hurt, seeing Jeno's eyes glow green under the light of Fairy's Peak where they had made love just few days ago. Ever since they returned Crystal Castle, he had been resting and trying to recollect himself at the same time Jeno had announced his crew they would sail soon. As far as he said, Taeyong was doing a research about Ursine, where it was and what was up with that place. Jaemin didn't care if it was located at the other side of world, he could reach there by marching the oceans barefoot with the amount of devotion in his heart. The desire to see and meet his mother again, perhaps for a last time before... Before it all ended. 

Remembering his dream, Jaemin sobbed and lunged forward to hide in Jeno's arms. Arms that always reached out to him and snuggled him closer each time like a new form of space existed everytime they came together and they had to get rid of it. In unknown lands he'd never seen, Jaemin was sheltering in an unknown man. _They ruined my life and now it's my duty to pick up the pieces of myself_. He had nobody but himself in Ilyrana and not that he wished to. But hiding into solitude because everybody was ready to harm him was different than actually wanting it. Who would wish to be all alone and unloved? Everybody deserved to feel the ray of love on their hearts, and on the other hand, feeling lonely was tolerable to a point but being unloved hurt so much. People were basic creatures who fed on other's appreciation and affection and Jaemin had been left to starve after the death of his mother.

 _Is this how people feel when they know they are loved,_ he thought desperately as Jeno hugged him tightly yet delicately, pressing kisses wherever his warm lips found available. Kissing his hair, his ear, his forehead as one of his hands caressed up and down the length of Jaemin's back who arched into his touch tentatively. His sobs quietly turned to dry hiccups and he let them out into the crook of Jeno's neck, inhaling his smell to fill his lungs with him. Jaemin wanted to engrave his presence inside of himself and feel him within his breath all the time even though Jeno was always by his side and wouldn't abandon him. Would he?

"Do you wish to take a bath? You are sweating madly," captain offered, sliding his hand underneath Jaemin's wet tunic and touching his sticky flesh. Feeling disgusted with himself, the blond nodded slowly and pulled away. Jeno's intense gaze enraptured him, looking at him as if Jaemin had saved hundreds of kingdoms for him and gave him all of these. Jeno wiped his face and kissed his lips slowly, catching his top lip between his teeth and yanking shamelessly. When he pulled away, older man had a sorrowful look on his face, one that alerted younger and had him cup his cheeks softly to ask him what happened. "Why did you do it to yourself, my beautiful calico? Why did you massacre yourself?"

Jaemin gulped dryly, fingertips stroking Jeno's lashes with softness that had the man close his eyes in bliss. "Can't you understand? I remember you said you knew how the crash felt like."

Jeno's face creased painfully. He grabbed Jaemin's waist and pulled him on top of himself. Exposure made the blond blush as his thighs were open on each sides of latter. Unsure of where to place his hands, he held on to Jeno's pecs, feeling the strength of hard muscles under his palms. He could feel how rough his heart was hammering, making green eyes turn a dark shimmer of brown. He was eclipsed by his past that didn't stop chasing and cornering him until everything was confronted and discussed. You couldn't expect dark clouds to disperse before it rained. A downpour should happen so that sun would again shine through the heap of livid sequence.

"It's not about me, it's about you," Jeno said, kissing his wrists. "You shouldn't have felt the crash too young, Jaemin. Nobody should. What if you died?"

"Nobody would mourn after me," he plainly said, though the side of his mouth curled painfully. Nobody loved him. They probably all cheered when they noticed his absence and threw parties in his honour. 

"It's not about them, either. It's about you, the lifetime you missed, the chances you had to skip, everything they took from you and you crowned them with another win. Don't you ever think of yourself, how much better you deserve?"

"Does it matter now? It stayed behind." It was hard to say out loud, that Ilyrana was in another world he escaped and it wasn't coming back. Nothing was the same. "My old life no longer means anything, Jeno. I only exist here."

Jeno watched his eyes curiously. "Yet you are trailing after a piece of your old life. Does that make sense?"

"It's my mother. I can jump from worlds to worlds just for her."

Jeno let out a sharp huff of breath, hands stroking the sides of Jaemin's waist and squeezing his skin lightly. His hands were gold, flashing bright everywhere he touched and they were also warm, giving Jaemin a feeling of safety. This man would never hurt him. Jeno deemed him worthy despite knowing too little about him, he was just interesting and beautiful and captain liked it. But it became more than that, didn't it? Jeno didn't have to deal with a depressed crybaby who attempted suicide, Jeno didn't have to console Jaemin whenever he needed, Jeno didn't have to keep him safe and sound despite all the trouble he caused. It was his beauty that had him ensnared but it couldn't be only his face that made Jeno fight for Jaemin. 

Perhaps there was finally somebody who loved him without wanting anything in return.

Tapping at Jeno's chin cutely, Jaemin talked with a natural pout that made its way into his lips. "Take me to bath. My feet are still kind of sore."

Without talking further, Jeno straightened up, took Jaemin in his lap and walked out of the room. It was embarrassing to be carried bride style by Lord Lee, as servants and family members gawked at them and caused Jaemin to hide his face in latter's shoulder. His smell was strongest here, remnants of his spicy cologne. Jaemin had smelled him too deep back in Fairy's Peakz when they had sex. Reminding that night sent cold shivers down his spine but it was enjoyable, as Jeno made him see the stars and feel so happy for once. But his fall had been nearly just as effective, as all it took was the ghost of his mother to pop up in his dream and tell him she needed to see him. Comedic irony of how it took too long to reach the peak but the fall only lasted seconds before everything all ended.

The big bathroom they came had a perfect view of secret garden, windows completely open as light breeze danced inside and swayed soft tules. Jeno gently dropped him over the marble of bathtub, and Jaemin dipped his fingers into warm water, realising that captain had ordered bath to be prepared beforehand.

"Take off your clothes, calico," Jeno told him, stripping himself. Jaemin took his time to drink in his hard muscles and lithe curves, and he was enchanted by the way how proudly captain wore his masculinity and femininity without any fears like a sheer armour. Following him, though he had no beautiful body like Jeno's, Jaemin also stripped and together they got in water.

Jeno washed him so carefully, intently, with a flash of tenderness in his eyes and gentle palms. He soothed his palms over the scars and flowers bloomed in chinks. He wiped off Jaemin's tears but left their mark on his cheeks. He grew pliant, weary, quiet under Jeno's hands that took care of him with compassion of a lover. Jaemin was a lonely, devastated person. All his pieces were wrecked and even his tears shed blood. His cries made people wake up but never his bad fortune. Nobody used to care that he was hurt and the circle of suffering just kept going on, never stopping, never failing at targeting its victims more and more.

Jeno held him throughout everything, when Jaemin started crying in the middle of bath again, when he whined because of his injuries, when he felt like he was overflowing with emotions. Jeno pulled him out of bathtub and grabbed his wasted body before he could fall off and hugged him softly, slowly sliding onto floor with Jaemin in his lap. He was hiding in the small shelter he found in the elegant curve of Jeno's neck.

Jaemin sobbed and Jeno kissed his neck. Jaemin hiccuped and Jeno stroked his hipbones. After his breakdown, he leaned his cheek on latter's shoulder and looked up at captain's sculptured, chiseled face. He was all hard and sharp edges, from his tightened jaw to the muscle of his toned chest. His heart beat too fast like dragon wings, bumping against blond's weak body. Looking at him with glassy, hazel eyes, Jeno caressed Jaemin's face and there was caution in his touch as if he was afraid he'd hurt him.

"You are so beautiful," he whispered, soothing his hand along the length of Jaemin's bare back.

When Jeno straightened him up a little in his lap, younger knew what he wanted. He also sought the feeling of raven haired, hazel eyed man inside of him. Instead of leaning in, he waited for latter to grip his nape and press their lips together. The soft, wet clash of their lips sent shivers along his spine, making him shudder like a cold stray in Jeno's arms. He was everywhere, all over Jaemin: his chest, his arms, his legs, his lips.

Jaemin dropped his hands on Jeno's chest and leaned in closer. Their lips tasted like devastation and water, salt flavour of tears and mingled pain. Their kiss became harder and faster in time. Jeno lewdly cupped his face and darted his tongue out to lap at Jaemin's mouth. Moaning, Jaemin parted his lips, causing the kiss to turn tougher and messier with involve of tongues. They kissed, and kissed, and kissed. At one point, Jaemin couldn't stop thinking about how much they needed each other, this feeling, this kiss, this touch.

Hazel eyes opened at the same time with his calico orbs and they stared at each other for a moment, silently gasping for air from how hard they were just kissing. He was sure these swollen and reddened lips were a good reflection of their shameless, needy kiss. Jeno was stimulating him with his presence and caring side. He wrapped a hand on Jaemin's nape and levelled their stare.

"Calico bird, I want to be someone you trust. I want to be a man who makes you feel safe and protected. I have no shame admitting that I have fallen for you." 

Under Jeno's smouldering gaze with a glimpse of fondness, Jaemin blinked shyly and looked down. When Jeno's angry, red cock occupied his sight, he quickly looked up and was even more awestruck by yet another enticing view. Jeno's tan skin was all wet and his muscles were flexing, dark hair splayed across his forehead and a pair of hazel eyes lasciviously watching every move, piece and part of Jaemin. As if Jeno's beauty wasn't enough to take him down, he also talked so eloquently and fondly. 

Jeno brushed the pads of his thumbs below Jaemin's eyes. "My heart is getting torn down when you cry. Don't pour upon me with your tears. Flutter your wings above my head."

 _My wings are broken_ , Jaemin wanted to say but kept quiet. Nobody, not even Jeno, could heal his wings again. They were shredded forever and would remain so with the memory of his mother who was long gone. For years, Jaemin had strolled every path and wandered every corner of his mind to find a trace of her, to be able to meet her hands even in stygian visions but he never fulfilled his dreams. His mother was gone and only years after, he decided to end his life and stop his misery. Not even that worked because a mother was a mother even in afterlife. She exchanged for his life and sent him somewhere he could found a new life over her ashes.

His wings used to be his mother and without her, it was meaningless to act like they were worth something. Some scars weren't supposed to recover, some wounds should remain open and bleeding. Perhaps suffering was a way of lamenting and keeping that person alive somewhere in your heart because if he healed, her sting would fade too. He didn't want to lose any piece of her anymore, not even her pain.

"You told Mark I'm your boyfriend," Jaemin said, changing the topic successfully. He looked into hazel eyes that slowly turned green like refreshing forests, easy to get lost. Even if he was lost in those eyes, he wouldn't care anyway. "I would like to be your boyfriend for real."

Now his eyes were fully, utterly green, such a green that not even mother nature was able to catch its vividness. Jeno was so beautiful when he smiled so wide that his eyes turned shiny, little crescents. For a moment, Jaemin took pride in himself for the way he melted Butcher of Lofar under his hands with little effort. 

"My beautiful calico, you'll never have to fly alone again," Jeno whispered after kissing him deep, their breaths mixing and becoming one. "I will always be with you, as long as you want me."

Jaemin wasn't sure when they turned too lewd again but their soulful kiss became harsher, all teeth and tongues as he was just being tangled by the strings Jeno controlled. While having sex, he left the whole power dynamics to him because Jeno was older and more experienced and maybe Jaemin liked being dominated a little too much. Riding him completely wet in bathroom, in front of open windows and pretty garden was something the blond wouldn't even imagine doing but he couldn't deny it felt amazing. From this angle, Jeno's cock felt so big and deep that he was reduced to a moaning mess. It was all captain grabbing his hips and fucking into him relentlessly as Jaemin just hugged his neck and kissed him. 

It was again Jaemin who came first but Jeno was quick to follow, filling him with his cum and blond liked the feeling of slick and hot semen inside of him. As they were high on pleasure, Jeno's cock softening inside his hole, Jaemin wasn't satisfied enough. He never wanted to leave that ecstasy of delirium where his fingertips reached high enough to graze the stars but didn't fully touch. _He can take me over the moon one day,_ he thought while moving around on his softening cock. Standing up with Jaemin in his lap, Jeno steadied him and walked up to a dry corner and dropped him over the marble. Sudden emptiness of his hole made him squeeze his thighs and rumble softly, leaning against Jeno's hand that stroked his cheek. 

"You will catch a cold," he explained, dressing him in a fluffy towel and wrapping another one on his hair. After drying his hair, Jeno looked over him and his fond yet intense gaze caused blond to blush. "It is hard to believe such a boy like you is mine."

Jaemin gave a little smile, though it faltered. There was nothing spectacular about him. He was a nobody. They waited a little until servants brought them clothes and only left after changing into warm outfits, walking across halls hand in hand and heading towards big dining room. While passing by portraits, Jaemin's eyes again found Hyewon. Her cruel, cunning eyes spewed hatred for touching Jeno but he just ducked his head low and kept walking ahead. The dead couldn't hurt him. The dead couldn't reach out to him from where they were in Underworld. In the hall, their small team was scattered around the table and chit chatting while waiting for their arrival. Jen beamed upon seeing him and sent him a flying a kiss, to which he laughed it off. 

"It smells peachy," Jaehyun said, sniffling like a dog. "It's too sweet, isn't it?"

"What I can't believe is that Jeno smells like peaches," Sicheng said, watching them as they settled on chairs. Taeyong was sitting right next to Jeno, picking at some papers with a thoughtful face.

"We used the same aroma," Jaemin explained, wrapping his arms around himself while his gaze didn't leave Taeyong's outstanding figure with blue hair and boney face. Feeling he was being watched, the man looked up restlessly. Uneasiness quickly spread and beat them into silence, preparing for whatever had to be said. 

"What have you found about Ursine, Taeyong?" Jeno asked, tapping his fingers.

"It is a small, isolated island in South. Here." Taeyong pushed a map forward, marking somewhere below Lofar. It seemed like there wasn't much of a distance. "There is only one building on island; an ancient temple that is abandoned. I have no idea why Jaemin's mother would want to meet him here, though. There is nothing important about Ursine."

Jaemin swallowed. "Does everything have to be important and remarkable? Perhaps she wanted that place because it is isolated and she can reach out to me easily."

"It's a nice speculation!" Jen exclaimed but others didn't seem to share her opinion, as they grimaced slightly. Jaemin understood the reason of their uneasiness: by going to Ursine without knowing what was awaiting them, they could fall in a trap that's impossible to escape. But they were pirates. They couldn't be wary of dangers when it's Jaemin's only chance to meet his mother. He looked at Jeno with a pained expression but there were no tears this time. Captain hated seeing him cry.

"Please, Jeno. This is my only chance. The ship doesn't have to anchor on island, does it? They can wait for us in a distance and we can take a boat to island."

"This is ridiculous," Sicheng said. "It's way too dangerous to step into island only two of you."

Jaemin saw red flash at the back of his eyes, then he exploded. "Then stop being cowards!" His yell had everybody halt and tense up. "You can't risk sailing, you can't risk sending us alone, what can you even risk? A ship full of strong men but you are scared of an island, is it only reserved for me because I know pretty well you have no problem setting foot on other isolated places for money!"

After his unexpected outburst, Jaemin breathed out shakily and drank up a cup of water to ease his nerves. He couldn't control himself for once and had lashed out on them but he was right, wasn't he? Why did all problems ensue when it was about him? If they disliked him, they should stop talking and let him leave with Jeno. They didn't need anyone else but their own, anyways.

"You heard him." Captain talked after a while, and Jaemin discreetly glanced at him. "Make your decision quickly. We are going either together or alone."

Taeyong shot him a disgruntled look. "Of course we are leaving together, Jeno. Crew doesn't abandon each other."

"Then it is arranged. Call everyone to the board. We are leaving in less than a week."

They spent rest of day with Geon, mostly because Jeno was seeking an opportunity to tell his son that he'd leave soon again. Witnessing his struggle to leave his son behind, Jaemin felt horrible for causing this but he knew either way separation would come. All he could do was keeping it as short as possible, meeting his mother, learning her purpose and... He had no idea what would happen then, how all of this would end yet he wished he would find the answers he'd been searching for. His mother was a flower that was stepped on and forced to wilt and after her death, all the bright things faded within. The sun, stars, colours, even the voices of joy. A soft sound of a mother who read him nighttime tales, and sang him to sleep. Thunders would crack the earth outside but he would feel like it was heaven in his room when she sang him bard's songs, promising that one day they would also write for him. Now bards could only sing at his funeral.

When Jeno told Geon that they'd leave soon because they had to find Jaemin's mother, small kid started crying but consoled his father that he'd be okay. "Find his mother, dad! Calico misses his mother so much!" He had tried to whisper but ended up yelling, wiping his teary face across Jeno's shoulder. 

"Aren't you mad at me?" Jeno asked, taking his son in his lap and stroking curly hair.

"No. You are doing something good," Geon mumbled, looking at Jaemin with a smile. He was the brightest star in sky, one that was enough to illuminate the whole world. After whatever Jeno had gone through, it was only his son that brought life back to his eyes. A small kid was the pillar that held too many big men upright and strong, even Mark. Jeno had massacred Mark's father and mother and he had a sense of hostility against him but for a reason, Jaemin didn't think he cared about them. It was something else that set up barriers between them.

"My son is so smart and thoughtful, isn't he, calico?"

Jaemin looked at Jeno's hazel eyes and smiled, nodding. Geon blushed and buried his face in his father's chest, red crawling down his neck. Until they sailed, they were always together because Jeno needed to spend all his time with his son before departure. When Geon started sleeping with them in bed, it was weird at first, as father and son hugged and Jaemin watched awkwardly. But little kid had the kindest heart in world. It didn't take long before Jaemin was also pulled into family hugs, sometimes Geon hugged him or his father or simply slept between their bodies. For somebody who never spent time with children, being too close and sincere with a kid was supposed to be strange but it never had been a problem for Jaemin. Geon was just too sweet and cute.

The day of separation, he decided to give some privacy to father and son and strolled the halls of castle, busy and in a rush because Lord Lee was sailing again. While passing by the main hall, he ran into Mark who was staring at the portrait of his sister, Hyewon, with unreadable eyes. Slowly striding towards him, Jaemin swayed on his foot and caught Mark's attention. 

"Hi," he said quietly, unsure of how to act around him because lately, they hadn't come across quite often and the shit he told Jeno still rang inside his mind. Did he wish to replace Jeno as Lord Lee of Crystal Castle? 

"You look better," Mark said, turning to look at portrait again. Beam of longing in those dark eyes that reflected his sister's made Jaemin's heart shatter. Losing a part of your family was too heavy to carry. It was a burden that you couldn't scrub off no matter how badly you wanted. "Jeno is taking good care of you, too bad he's failed to do for some others."

Jaemin looked at Hyewon with glassy eyes. "I hate being taken care of. If I could, I wish to be never tended by other people because nobody has to take care of somebody else. "

"You are a nice kid, Jaemin. That's why I'm going to confess something." Mark fully turned to him, face twisted with distaste and disgruntlement. His voice cracked when he talked, shoving daggers of pain into Jaemin's heart. "My sister killed herself right after she gave birth to Geon. She fucking jumped off from Fairy's Peak and only thing that was left of her was her son. All Jeno had to do was stopping her from jumping but he only watched her crash. It is not utterly his fault but he has a hand in what happened to Hyewon. Only reason I'm enduring all of this is Geon, as he is the only relic of my sister who is long gone."

Jaemin blinked blankly but his heart beat too fast, almost breaking his ribs. His assumptions were true, Hyewon was Geon's mother but Jeno openly said he killed her. Why did Mark say she killed herself? Was it self-condemning that morphed and engraved in Jeno? _I know what a crash feels like_. After Mark left quietly, Jaemin looked out of window with thoughtful eyes. Image of a young girl jumping from mountain was as scary as him falling to his death from the hill. Jeno had quickly remembered his scars. Was it because he had seen them on Hyewon's corpse? No matter how hard and deep he thought, he still couldn't finish the puzzle because some pieces were missing. Why did two cousins have sex? Why did Jeno murder her family afterwards? They were just fifteen years old teenagers, what had they done to each other?

When he returned to his room, Jen was inside, all dressed in leather, pirate outfit. She told him to get ready, pointing at a pile of clothes over his bed. Quietly, he changed into them and combed his hair though decided to leave it messy. He was going to find his mother and confront her, as painful as it sounded, he needed it. He needed to see her, understand her motivations and decide what to do with his life. He was far too deep in Jeno, he didn't want to abandon him nor miss the chance of his new life in Lofar. As they walked out of room and strutted the halls, he scanned every corner with thoughtful eyes. That pitiful desire of returning this place was shaming and morally wrong but for once, he wanted to live, taste how life felt like, why people found too much joy in loving a person and spending their lifetimes together. 

Geon was in Jeno's lap at frontyard, where horses and a carriage awaited. Little boy was crying as he snuggled his face into his father's neck, small hands clutching at the hair on his nape as if trying to lock him in his place. It was difficult to separate them, as Jeno was also too reluctant to let go of his son and upset that Geon couldn't come to the port to bid them farewells. To this day, he'd never seen his father's ship sail because there were enemies everywhere who wouldn't wary from killing a child. When Geon finally parted from his father and hugged Jaemin, blond stroked his face and promised he'd take care of his father, just to ease him, calm him down so he would know Jeno wasn't alone.

"Come back together, alright?" He sniffled, poking at Jaemin's nose with his. "I will wait for your return, calico."

Riding away from Crystal Castle and Geon was hard, as Jeno's hands were shaking as he straddled his horse and shot one last look at his son who was in his uncle Mark's lap. Mark would dote on his nephew as he always did whenever Jeno was away. Jaemin barely remembered reaching Royal Port, stepping into Blackheart with help of Jen and it took a while for crew to finally stop scurrying and sailing. Some of them were waving at the crowd in the port, hollers and shrieks blowing in air and going unheard by crowd as the ship strode further away. Jeno had quickly slipped into his captain role, walking around and ordering his crew. 

"The destination is Ursine!" He had shouted. "It is not a treasure hunting this time but rather a personal trip. You will still be paid from my own wealth for accepting to come with me, your brotherhood is always remembered kindly."

"We do not walk away when our friend needs us, Cap. We are proud to sail and accompany you!"

Jeno had looked at his crew with prideful eyes and struck his fist on his chest, a way of showing his gratitude and brotherhood. Then he noticed that Jaemin was awkwardly standing in a corner alone and came to take him to his own captain quarters, explaining that they would stay together since they were now dating. Dating was a brand new thing for Jaemin who had never been romantically affiliated with anyone before but it was too easy to get used to when Jeno acted like that. He was just sweeter than ever and whenever he touched Jaemin, his fingertips created gardens on his skin. Whenever he hugged Jaemin from behind or took him in his lap, his lips wrote their own tragedy on his own. 

Jen was whining for the lack of _captain_ in main deck because Jaemin had been stealing him away and Renjun also claimed it was the first time Jeno was just absent from crew but it wasn't something he could help. It was their own captain who wouldn't leave Jaemin's side in mornings, grabbing him tighter as soft sway of ship lulled them into sweet slumbers. At times like that, the blond only relished in the feeling of being loved, desired and doted on. Jeno made sure Jaemin was eating the best of food and cleanest water, which caused a friendly rumor of favouritism ensue within crewmates. Not that Jeno denied, anyways, which made younger blush and older man kiss his heated cheeks.

But reality was still here, and even though he had been keeping it in dark, they still leaked pain. He knew that he couldn't be truly happy without fixing himself first, his memories with a lovely mother that kept bleeding out and tripping him over the edge. In his dreams, Jaemin reached and held her hands, but each day she moving further away from him despite the fact that he was splitting the sea to go to her. Sometimes he questioned if he was doing the right thing because Taeyong had clearly said mortals couldn't engage in with the dead but his mother had found a way to reach out to him, why couldn't he? There was still hope for this little calico bird to find his missing part and become one with her again, for a last time. _Before she is fully gone._

Few weeks into their journey, Jeno threw a big party for the crew and whole night, Blackheart persecuted the sea with loud noises of men and instruments that they miserable failed to play. Jen, Renjun and Yangyang played a game of who could drink most beer and ended up getting drunk faster than everybody, with a pile of puke that painted all over some other mates. Through entire night, Jaemin was snuggling close to Jeno who had an arm slung over his shoulder as if he couldn't believe the audacity of existing gap between their bodies. He had only drunk two cups of beer but Jaemin couldn't recall at all when he climbed Jeno's lap and began making out to him in the middle of crew that hollered at the sight of them kissing. He was conscious, just a little tipsy and everything was too hot under his hands that yanked at raven hair, digging into captain's arm muscles. 

That night, Jeno carried him to the quarters and fucked Jaemin against the door, wood pitifully creaking with every rough thrust of Jeno that crushed his sweet spot relentlessly. He was as strong as a mountain bear while holding Jaemin up with little effort and commanding over his body so confidently, as if mere presence of his calico bird only gave him more strength and power both physically and mentally. His cock was a fever dream inside of Jaemin, and his lips tasted like him when they kissed. Feverish rivers flooded between their eyes, igniting little fires that quickly grew and surrounded them. In a ring of scorching flames, they held on to each other for dear life and came together to put out the fire. 

Jaemin was completely wasted when Jeno pulled out, draped him across his chest and laid him over bed gently. He wiped his cum and patted his ass, making Jaemin chuckle and cup his face shyly.

"My beautiful calico was amazing as always," he whispered, kissing Jaemin's inner thighs and sucking on deep hickeys. 

"You're way more experienced than me and it shows."

Jeno raised his head between Jaemin's legs and looked at him with green eyes. "Not at all," he confessed, placing a wet kiss on his hipbone. "Only time I had sex was when Geon happened. A kid at first try, not something many can do."

Jaemin blinked. "Did you want Geon to be born or think you were too young to have a baby?"

Corner of Jeno's mouth twisted ugly and pained. It was apparently a sensitive topic for him, as he rose between Jaemin's legs and tousled his sweaty hair. When he got off the bed and walked up to desk for water, Jaemin shrunk into himself, eyes focused on Jeno's gorgeous, glorious naked body with faint scars scattered here and there. Bruises of a pirate and lord and remnants of Butcher of Lofar. Of course his battles didn't always go too smooth. He had to bear a scar to take down an enemy and it was a sacrifice he was willing to make.

"He wasn't supposed to be born," he said after a moment of silence. "I had sex with his mother with dumb, lovesick thoughts thinking that she loved me. All she cared was making a possession out of me by bearing my seed."

Jaemin straightened up, hiding his body under the sheet. Sore of his ass wasn't important right now that Jeno was opening up to him about his own past. _Be respectful of his pain_ , he didn't even ask Jaemin detailed questions after he summarized his life, knowing that he would be shared more when it was the right time. _I have to respect his pain too, as hard as it is._ "Is that why you killed her?"

Jeno looked at him over a shoulder, eyes harsh and undefeated. "It is what killed her."

Jaemin fell asleep while Jeno was busy working on the map, wrapped bare around sheets with spicy smell of his wild captain. In his dream, he saw nothing but stygian darkness. His mother wasn't spotted anywhere lately and it made him nervous. Where was she? She promised they would reunite before she finally left but why wasn't she visiting his abandoned dreams and visions? Those were what kept him alive throughout his life in Ilyrana, and even after Ilyrana.

Heavy sounds of wings and chains shuddered his body, a featherlike touch tickling his cheek when he woke up. Blinking through dizziness, Jaemin narrowed his eyes with soreness and brought a hand up to his face. He stilled, looking at the white, dusty wing feather. It was as big as his hand and didn't seem like it belonged to any bird kind Jaemin knew. Even if it did, why was it on his face? How did it come to captain's quarters and land on his cheek like some magical shit?

"Good morning, Jaemin!" He was startled when Jen burst inside quarters, probably only crewmate to be able to do so. She earned many points and privileges for being captain's sister. "What the hell is that feather?"

"Came from window, most likely," Jaemin murmured, hiding it underneath their pillow. "Where is Jeno?" He asked despite knowing older man was with his crew in main deck as always. Considering how bright sun and blue sky were, it was already past noon, which meant Jaemin had been sleeping for almost nine hours. It really didn't feel like it. When his eyes caught the sight of his mother's medallion dangling on his chest, he halted and played with its cold surface. He was in this ship when Jeno gave him medallion months ago, the last bridge and fracture of his mother. He had never taken it off as he was in a whirlpool of fearing he could lose it again, lose the thin trace of her. He feared to be shattered pitifully once he lost the entire sight of her from his dreams, visions and reality.

How embarrassing it was for an eighteen year old boy to act like this. She was a dead woman but he couldn't bury her and leave her soul to rest after everything she had been through: being cheated on, abandoned by her husband, executed brutally. All the mental struggles she suffered while people mocked her, called her forgotten queen. Out of pure spite, Jaemin would never forget her even if he was the last man standing on earth. The way his mother still effected his life unapologetically even years after her death pained him: she was radiant even in the absence of light. In a beam of bleak black dawn, she still rose like the sun.

He was snapped out of his trance when Jen waved her hand, trying to regain his attention. "Aye, are you alright, Jaemin? Or did Jeno fuck you so hard you can't even think straight?"

Jaemin blushed and questioned why those pirates had to be so openly lewd. They had no shame at all. "Where are we?"

"Approaching Ursine more everyday," she hummed and he let himself think it was going to be good. Everything would be alright. Few more days passed with daily routines: sometimes Jaemin joined Jeno in captaining, though he was forced to go back to quarters because everybody believed he was a distraction. Still, Jeno smooched him with affection every night in the dim light of cabin. Kisses on his lips, cheeks, eyes, hair, then his lascivious mouth would go down below and cause highest moans ripped out of Jaemin.

Then one night, a storm brewed and Jaemin found himself praying gods to survive. Sounds of scary waves, nervous crew and Jeno's yells made him shrink into himself fearfully, as captain ordered him to stay in quarters no matter what. They were pirates who were used to raging storms and huge waves, but so was Jaemin. Months ago, he jumped off to similar waters and found himself alive and one piece in a stranger world. It was when the sea started calling for him, a low music that swirled with waves softly but exploded across his face with a scream. His own scream. Rolling out of the bed, opening the door and stepping into wet, shaking deck all happened in a blink of an eye. Under the cold rain, he felt too hot and tight in his own skin. 

The music was coming from the waves, he was sure now, waves had brought it to him. When he looked ahead, the bowsprit glowed too bright as a lightning fell, and Jaemin was awestruck by the way angel of death stood upright against the storm. _Its duty is protecting the ship, angel of Blackheart._ While walking to the edge of ship, his barefoot slipped and he fell back roughly. He couldn't keep his balance when the ship was shaking and the waves hit so hard. Pain of his spine ripped a heartfelt groan out of him as he had hit his back against a board. Harsh raindrops beat his face with leather sounds and he had to shut his eyes to avoid losing his eyes or something.

When he finally managed to open his eyes and stand up, a heap of water washed him all over and sent his weak body down the side as Blackheart almost split in two. Upon noticing raging sea was just beneath his foot, that he was going to fall off, heat that was just crawling under his skin vanished, replaced by an ice cold sense of dread. _I don't want to fall again._ Jaemin screamed painfully and this time, the music stopped.

"Jeno!" 

He grabbed the edge with all his strength and willpower as his body dangled down, cold water brushing his body because waves didn't stop engulfing the ship like flames. Angel of death couldn't let him go too easily: Jaemin didn't want more suffering in his life. He once felt how the sea tasted like, he wasn't doing it again. 

"Calico!"

Jeno came like his prince in shining armour, propeling through waves to reach Jaemin who watched him with teary eyes, hands slipping down with every swing of ship. He didn't want to fall again. He didn't want to go through chunk of pain and poignancy again. He didn't want to leave Jeno, lose his radiance and touch and love.

"Jeno!" He screamed once more, teeth chattering from the cold. Just when his fingers slipped, Jeno reached and grabbed his hands. The way his entire body dangled like a ragdoll made his arms hurt so bad but he only let out a small gasp and felt himself being pulled up with strength. Waves were staying behind, they couldn't shred off his wings again. They couldn't break his bones and take him away. Sudden realization struck him cold as captain hugged him tightly, forcing him walk back to quarters.

It was pouring now, and he could feel it pelting, refreshingly cool, down onto them. Jaemin had held on to life to survive, he didn't wish to die back there. Because for once, he had somebody he loved, somebody who loved him. How could he lose such a precious thing? He began crying when Jeno pushed them into cabin with great difficulty, safe and sound from the storm that broke out. Washing everything on the way, even Jaemin who clutched at the last sense of life with weak hands when he had jumped off to his death months ago. 

"Why did you go out? I told you to stay inside!" Jeno's nostrils flared up, angry voice ringing in dark quarters. He forced Jaemin to sit on the edge of bed and took off his clothes quickly so he wouldn't catch a cold. How thoughtful he was, full of charms and fondness. He wrapped him in thick towels and dried his hair, not losing his balance once as the ship kept swaying back and forth. He was used to rough conditions of piracy life. "Why are you crying, calico? Are you scared?"

Jaemin sobbed, burying his face into Jeno's wet tunic. He was alive, he was safe, he was with the only man who ever protected him. _I don't want to lose this. I missed so many chances in life already, don't I deserve to live happily with a man who loves me by my side?_ He felt Jeno gently push him away, wipe his face then soft furs tickled his body. Jeno hovered above him but his sight was blurry, though he could make out those hazel eyes by just feeling the intensity of his gaze.

"Lay down, Jaemin. When you wake up, the sirens will be silent."

Sirens. They had been calling for him but unfortunately, they couldn't get him. In his dream, he saw his mother's head roll down at his feet and let out a wretched scream. With his scream, sky cracked and sun darkened but his mother remained dead. The waters flew, the sun set, the snow melted but some scars never faded. _There are things you can't turn back from, Nana,_ his mother whispered in his ear sweetly.

When he looked around, Ilyrana was in flames, burning down to its roots. Ashes were only thing left from palace. Serenity dropped on his heart like a snowflake. Walls set in between him and his freedom were long gone, fell over palace folk whose screams got lost in fervent sounds of fire. Devastation and destruction, only thing they ever deserved. With blank eyes Jaemin watched his hell swallowed down by a greater force. Finally his storm had stopped.

Jeno was sleeping by his side when he woke up, first rays of sunshine glowing on his eyelashes. If he opened his eyes right now, sun would hit hazel of his eyes, widen his pupils and bring out glistening colours. Jaemin cradled his face gently and kissed his forehead, then rolled out of bed to watch the sky from window. It was only then he noticed ship wasn't moving, it was anchored. His assumptions were proved right as he looked out of the window. There was a small island where a beige coloured temple rose high among exotic trees. Ursine.

"Jeno! We've arrived!" He yelled, jumping on his body to wake him up. He couldn't hold his happiness inside. When Jeno just huffed and turned facedown, Jaemin sprawled across his broad back and whined. Last night must have been too compelling for him and rest of crew, if they just anchored and went to slept. "Jeno, please. We should go to the temple."

Jeno talked into pillow, hence his voice sounded muffled. "Go have breakfast, then we will leave."

Jaemin smiled, pressing his face into Jeno's nape and smelling his odor of sea, sweat and musk. He brought him to his mother as he promised. Jeno was truly a man of his words. "I love you," he whispered, hoping that it bored through his dizziness and was heard clearly. Sliding off his back carefully, Jaemin put on a cloak and walked downstairs when he couldn't find Jen and others in main deck. Everyone must be truly tired, as only few watchers stayed awake. Most of crew was sleeping in the same room, which loud noises of snores and farts disgusted him. Pinching his nose tightly, he went to kitchen area where Jen, Sicheng and Jaehyun were eating biscuits.

"Jaemin, good morning." Jen beamed, despite having a huge, red wound that cut down from her temple to chin. She noticed where he was looking at and laughed it off. "You can't go through such a raged storm unscathed all the time, can you?"

"Does it hurt so much?" He asked, sitting on a chair. Ship's main cook Kibum poured rum for him. "Thank you."

"Is Captain still sleeping?" Sicheng asked, pushing rest of biscuits in front of Jaemin even though he turned down. Quartermaster's pointed look was cruelly honest when he stared. "Eat well, Jaemin. You will go on a journey in a stranger island."

"I can cook flavoured meat for you," Kibum offered, knowing that Captain Jeno was strictly following if Jaemin ate well or not. Nobody in crew wanted to taste the wrath of Butcher of Lofar. Despite everybody being equal in the ship, Jeno was still the most feared due to his bad reputation.

"I can't eat meat in mornings. Some biscuits and cookies will be enough."

"Jeno won't take any of us to island," Jen said, greatly disturbed. She hated sending her brother somewhere they had no idea about.

All those years, none of these pirates had heard about Ursine and its temple. It was kind of strange but Jaemin swallowed down the creepy feeling that shot up his spine. He trusted his mother with his everything, she wouldn't put them in danger. Why would she? He understood their concerns and caution but telling him that his mother was putting his life in danger was embarrassing. Same mother who bargained her son's life in her last moment because his father was about to legitimize him as a bastard.

Jaemin wasn't sure if being a bastard would be better or worse but his mother did what she could to provide him a bright future. She wanted him to stay in palace and grow up decently but after her, he had given up on everything else. Definitely not what his mother wanted for him.

"We will be alright," he said shortly, munching on his food. Sicheng and Jaehyun left while he was eating, saying that they needed to go join watchers and Jen stayed with until he was full. At the same time he put down his empty cup of rum, their main source of liquid since they had run out of fresh and clean water, Jeno came in with his top naked. If Jaemin was continuing to eat, he would choke on it because captain had marks of Jaemin's nails all over his chest. Kibum and Jen shot him a look as he became red and redder, feeling like he had fallen into a volcanic river. Thank god they couldn't see his own body, full of Jeno's hickeys and bites. 

"Calico, you are as red as a tomato," he said after sitting right across Jaemin, but that sly glint in his eyes gave him away. Blond kicked him slightly under table but it caused Jeno to grab his ankle and hold his leg between his own, stroking his sensitive flesh tenderly.

Jen snorted and threw a biscuit at his head, getting scolded by Kibum in return because how dare she throw their food aside. How immoral and disrespectful. Jeno ate biscuits with one hand while other kept holding Jaemin's ankle and no matter how much he tried to pull away, hazel eyed captain wouldn't let him. When Jaemin's toes grazed against Jeno's cock, it was only then he cleared his throat and pushed his foot down. If Jaemin was as shameless as him, he would continue teasing him but not yet. He was still too shy to initiate such lewd moments with him.

After breakfast, they went back to quarters and changed their outfits. Jeno hung his pistol, sword and few other blades on his belt. Jaemin combed his chin length hair and pulled it in a messy bun. In the small mirror, his calico eyes glowed, purple and yellow, almost golden under sunlight. _My mother had blue ones. She was the most beautiful woman in the world and I took all my beauty from her_. But what good from his face when his fate was overshadowed by bad people. Finally, though, he was turning green again. Flowers bloomed on his branches and sweet birds chirped for him. Wasn't it what his mother ever wanted for him? 

"Jaemin." He shivered upon feeling Jeno's deep voice, and soon he was behind him with a hand on the small of his back. He held up a beautiful, camel pistol, one that belonged to his collection in Crystal Castle. "I want to give you this one. It is small, delicate but strong. It will fit in your hand better."

"My hands aren't small," Jaemin mumbled, taking the pistol and realising how right he was. It fit his hand as if it was made for his size. "Do you think it is necessary?"

"Better be safe than sorry." Jeno kissed his hair and pulled back, reaching out a hand. After Jaemin hid the pistol, he grabbed his hand and walked out of cabin. As expected, most of crewmates were on main deck, waiting for them. "Is the cockboat ready?"

"It is, Cap. We have put rum and some snacks for you."

Jeno nodded, looking at Sicheng with steel eyes. "The ship is in your command at my absence. If we don't return until midnight, you are free to sail back home. It's up to you."

Jen came forward with a serious face and punched his shoulder ruefully. "We will not abandon you behind, old man. You better come back before we get into action."

Jeno hugged his sister and whispered something in her ear, to which she sighed deeply. Jaemin sat on cockboat cautiously, trying to not look down because sea was right here, waiting to swallow him. It was Jeno who paddled to the shore, arm muscles bulging deliciously with his hard work. He offered help but captain just shot him a look and kept paddling even stronger. The closer island got, more excited Jaemin grew. He couldn't take his eyes off the temple that didn't look too faraway. Was his mother here? Was she watching him come? _I'm coming to see you, mother. We will finally reunite._

They jumped off at a distance and Jeno pulled the cockboat to the shore, both of their pants getting all wet but it didn't matter. While he was handling cockboat, Jaemin looked around and witnessed how genuinely isolated the island was. As if no human or animal ever walked on this sand and inhaled this fresh air. It was such a waste because it was too relaxing, too serene. Maybe a little too much but he tried not to think about it. Island was sure creepy but it didn't give off bad vibes.

"Let's get going," Jeno said, clapping his hands. He looked at the ship that was on horizon and grabbed Jaemin's hand. Both of them were alerted and cautious while walking deeper into island, eyes continuously searching around for traps and attackers but somehow, Jaemin knew there was nobody. There had never been anybody that set foot on this island. While Jeno was busy cutting down a few bushes, he looked over his shoulder and saw Blackheart was gone. Cinders of fear burned up his heart but Jaemin didn't show his feelings. 

"It's so quiet," Jeno whispered. "Not even crickets. They are supposed to live in such islands the most."

"Perhaps they are taking a noon nap."

Jeno stopped and pulled out the map where Ursine was marked. He looked at it with a frown, then put back on his pocket. "There's nothing except the temple on the surface of whole island. Do you want to go on?"

Jaemin nodded without hesitation. He didn't come all this way just to give up last second, when the temple was a little faraway. He was almost here. Few more steps, few more rocks and here it stood the gates of temple, empty and quiet like the rest of Ursine. Jeno was looking around to see if anyone was here but they were alone. There were just two of them among trees and bushes. 

"What are we going to do now?" Jeno questioned, staring up at the giant gate which Jaemin approached and tried to push but it didn't open. Getting nervous that he couldn't reach his mother because of a dumb door, he pushed harder with his shoulder but it wouldn't even budge. Jeno stopped him and gestured at something written above the doorknob that Jaemin could swear wasn't here seconds ago.

_Our wings are in our hearts. Hollowed out and cold as winter wind. Offer the last piece of whoever you have come to visit._

Jaemin blinked. Did it mean what he was speculating? He shared a look with Jeno who looked troubled, almost tousled as if they hadn't been talking about the dead for months. _He has somebody he wants to meet. Is it her?_

"I shall offer my mother's medallion," Jaemin murmured, taking off silver necklace but his eyes didn't leave Jeno's face as hazel orbs turned dark brown. Too heavy like fuel, drowning him in. "What will you do?"

Jeno's jaw tightened as he stared into Jaemin. "I have got somebody to meet, too, I guess." He pulled out his pistol and knocked on the door, which opened magically with a bead of light that blinded them. Jaemin walked forward to split the light but it wouldn't go anywhere. He could be hitting here and there as his sight was completely gone, just lightbeam flashing like watercolours. It's when he began hearing the music again, same with yesterday. Jeno had said it was sirens but no, it wasn't. Sirens weren't the only creatures with enchanting voices and even more striking presences.

His mother had a reputable beauty that overstepped the borders of Ilyrana and reached the whole world. And she used to love singing. Her pretty voice had invoked the images of gleaming halls, blazing fires, and a never ending ache for love. Mothers like her always felt the need to live for their children but Jaemin thought it was dumb. His mother should have lived for herself for once, without worrying about him or her cheater husband. Why did her life mean less than Jaemin's? She deserved to start a brand new life, fall in love with a kind person who'd cherish her and live her life freely after everything she'd gone through.

When he blinked his eyes, white light was gone and he found himself in a similar dome with giant, colourful leaves and flowers thrice his height. He must have looked like a dwarf among them. Sounds of music played loudly somewhere behind exotic sight and Jaemin continued his way through leaves, pulling them aside until he reached his destination. His heart stopped for a moment, eyes taking in the sight and he felt harsh waves struck him hard. There was a giant cage hung in the air with daffodils stuck between bars: but it was empty except for the beam of light that welcomed him inside. He couldn't tell his disappointment with words but could never forget how it felt.

He slumped on his knees, tears dropping onto his thighs and leaving watery marks. Where was his mother? Why wasn't she in the cage that used to carry them both? Putting a hand over his mouth and trying to hold back humiliating sobs, his eyes slid to the side only to find another miracle. A waterfall also hung in air and flowed down into a small lake, glittery flakes glowing ethereally from where the falls met the lake. All of these and for what? Where was his mother? Breathing out angrily, he stood up and kicked the cage. The way it wasn't slightly effected made him even angier.

"Where is my mother? Mom! I've come to you just like you said in my dream!" He cried out, leaning his forehead against the cage. "Mother, please come to me, please hold my hand again and kiss my hair. I can't do it anymore." He sniffled vulnerably, sliding down and sitting on ground. His legs were too weak to carry him. He needed a shelter to stay strong and that shelter was the presence of his mother. 

"Mother, the sun of my life who flashed her lights on each of my wounds and healed them, do you remember the story you told me? About the caged bird who ran away after long years of trying. You had me stuck under your arms while telling the story at midnight. You said that even if my wings were to be broken, you would carry me with your own. When I asked you what if yours would too get plucked, you only smiled and claimed that I was your wings in your heart. As long as I lived, you'd fly and take me wherever I wanted."

He began crying without holding back anything, and every tear sliced his flesh like bullets. It would hurt less that way. As he talked, white light became more eyeful so he kept talking, apologising, telling his life in Lofar. Perhaps it was his voice that called his mother next to him but something was definitely happening.

"Mother, I'm so sorry I abandoned you, left you to die under a traitor's mercy. I'm sorry I couldn't save you and now the world is buried in dark. I strode through the sea to come land in your cage, chirping woodnotes into your ear just like you did for me but this is what I got. Perhaps it's time accept we can't come together, that we're heading different lives. Perhaps it is okay because my spirit will always blend in with yours. Please protect me because it's sometimes too hard not to lose myself on my own.

Mom, there's a pool in the garden that I wander by alongside. Everytime I see it, your sweet smile shows up in my head because you were always as beautiful as clear waters: your mind, love, affection always floated smoothly and planted kisses on me. There won't be a day where I don't crave your hands holding mine and your body protecting me from everything. I still feel the imaginary weight of your hand on mine. It doesn't matter if we're in different worlds, nothing can prevent us from loving each other unconditionally."

He wiped his tears, just to prove his mother that he was getting better. That he wanted to live for himself as she always wanted. 

"I am falling in love with a man, mother. Someone you wouldn't approve, a pirate captain but he's opened up his gentle heart to me and I'm hiding inside his chest. I'm dancing to the sad melody of my life and singing with the stars, walking through a valley of gold to reach a door that will open to you one day. I don't know wherever you are, if you can still see me, but watch the sky because I will be looking up to see the azure dome that reminds me of your eyes. Every breath I inhale beat with the rhythm of my heart, because it's beating for you and the new found love I have." Jaemin sniffled.

"You may get angry at me for choosing such a man to love but you can't help the things your heart longs for. Waves hit my back and broke my bones. Pain kissed my bare shoulders and dipped me into hot water to burn me down. My suffering never ends but perhaps it is lessening. Isn't that what you've wanted for me? The reason you sent me to this world?"

Jaemin was too young, too inexperienced and just recently blooming. Spring just rubbed his branches. Everyday, he was turning green with another reason and it was all thanks to his mother who sacrificed everything to give him this. Something that he'd never image of having: a family, security, safety, love, comfort, smiles, happiness and memories. He was made of poignant memories that tired him but now, cheerful moments graced his existence. Jaemin was one step away from his mother and despite his love for her being the greatest, he was dreaming of going back to strong arms of his lover and Geon with coy smiles. Jen who healed him, took care of him when he was injured and taught him how to use a pistol. All those Lee family members and the crew of Blackheart he somehow grew accustomed to.

When he stood up with wobbly legs, there was a faint silhouette of a beautiful, family face reflecting through white light inside the cage. In the blue-yellow of his mother's eyes, Jaemin saw himself: scared, hopeful and dreamy. His mother was here, like she never left before, like she was never killed and taken from him. In a world of pain that buzzed his consciousness, he saw everything for what it was for once. It wasn't his mother, actually, because she was dead. She was gone. She could never set foot on earth. Wherever she was right now, she was using their bond to reach out to him. _Our hearts and minds are syncretized. We are never alone nor distanced._

"Mom," he whispered, curling his fingers around the cage, eyes widening with amazement. "Just tell me one thing: answer one thing. What did you sacrifice for me? I hope it isn't something about you."

A smile appeared on her face and then his sight went black, a vision playing before his eyes. Ilyrana. The palace. The fire. Too similar with the dream he saw before because it was the same moment: death of Ilyrana. His heart stopped beating for a second, then began pounding too hard his head hammered roughly. She sacrificed the entire kingdom for him, as Jaemin also had a hand in it by burning down the palace. His fucking father, his cheap wife, their stupid son and all others who humiliated, insulted and harmed them were dead. Fire was a bad way to go and Jaemin and his mother poured it down onto them. He laughed, a genuine laugh he would only share with his mother when he was a child and it still didn't change to this day. Some things were only meant for specific people. 

"Are you happy where you are? Are you finally in peace?" He asked, despite claiming he would only ask one question. A nod. Then another vision. This time, it was Jaemin: him playing with Geon in garden, him hugging Jeno, him having fun with crewmates. She was happy because he was happy. She never stopped watching over him. How painful it must have been for her to see her son suffer alone in Ilyrana. How couldn't he see it? "I will live, mother, I swear that I will live. I will do everything I've failed to do until now. Support me through this, would you? Don't ever take your eyes off me because I'll understand, I'll understand when the sun darkens."

She sent him a fond look. How could she. Even years after her death, she had her eyes on him and rescued his life by making a deal with Guardians of Fate. He had no idea what else she offered and had entire Ilyrana butchered but finally, she also took her revenge. Nobody who wronged them was alive now.

"This island does not exist, does it? Once we are out of it, it will disappear."

She tilted her head to the side, taken aback by his intelligence. She would always praise his brilliance, it warmed his heart seeing nothing had changed. 

"You must have done a lot of things for all of these. Have you done it all just to see me again?" 

She nodded, reaching forward and despite her abstract presence, he still felt soft brush of her hand that he was very much familiar with. Hands that stroked his hair while he was sleeping, hands that wept away his tears after a session of breakdown, hands that grabbed him tightly during stormy nights. Everything about her was memorized in the most special parts of his heart.

"I shall go now," he said, seeing thin light of her face getting blurrier. He didn't want to let go of her but he had to, god, he had to learn how to let go of her and rest in peace. He sobbed as his mother smiled through pain, both of them desperately wanted to reach out and touch each other but it wasn't happening. She was dead, and he was alive and there was a barrier they couldn't surpass no matter how much they wanted. They had to learn enduring this separation and continuing their different lives: one in the world, other in afterlife. "I want to ask one more thing. Did you send me to Jeno for a reason or was it a coincidence?"

She smiled with a solemn joy in her eyes. It was randomly done that he was sent to Jeno's world and met him in the sea. Was it their destiny to meet each other? His heart ached for the way how they were gravitated towards each other even from different worlds.

"Mother, thank you for everything. There is nobody else I'll ever love as much as you, and it's my duty to carry on your legacy. I love you," he said, whispering through tears. Sweet blink of her eyes was enough of an answer to him: _I love you too_. When he closed his eyes, feeling her radiance and presence by his side, he felt the earth slide under his foot. When he reopened his eyes, the cage was gone, so was the temple. He was in the shore. Looking around with frantic eyes, he gulped upon seeing Jeno sit next to cockboat, watching the horizon. 

He checked around again to see if there was any remnant of his mother but even the medallion was gone. Finally, they were both where they were supposed to be. Walking up to Jeno with wobbly legs, Jaemin settled next to him and hugged his hazel eyed captain for dear life. Instantly, strong arms wrapped around his torso and pulled him into his lap. 

"Calico," he mumbled, voice raspy and thick from crying. For brighter dawns, this man should never cry, these pearly tears should never shed. Jaemin cupped his face and bumped their foreheads. "I saw her in the temple, Hyewon. She is Geon's mother, the girl that I loved since childhood. She didn't tell me anything, as she was estranged from me in her last moments. Everything is her fault but somehow I'm the one who is carrying the burden of her actions."

"You don't have to, she is gone." Jaemin gulped again, feeling Jeno's arms tighten around his waist. "I know it hurts so much, that this world pins you down from your every limb and puts you on display for people to see your damnation. To shame you, to disregard your pain, to spit at your face. This world haunts us through our past and I know how intolerable it can get. I feel you dearly."

Jeno looked up at his eyes, hazel eyes shining the brightest he'd ever seen. There was no mood of him, just Jeno, Jeno and Jeno at his despairing worst and tragic nature. "My uncle and aunt always tried to bond us for marriage in future, to make Hyewon a direct heir to Lee Family rather than another cousin in store. We had been good friends, calico, and I always loved her differently, more romantically. It was the end for me when she noticed my feelings regarding her and used it on her behalf. She- She slept with me, got pregnant and hid it from me for months. But I was absent those times she needed me because her parents had poisoned her, too much that she wasn't the girl I knew when I found her in secret cavern at Fairy's Peak. She was devastated, ruined and I couldn't bring her back. After giving birth to Geon, she jumped off, blood still wet between her legs. 

I remember Geon, our baby, was crying so hard in my lap but his mother was long gone. Sound of her crash never left my mind, those crack sounds that took her from me. It's the reason how I knew these fall wounds of yours. I've seen them first-hand. I couldn't stop Hyewon but I thought I could save you, another kid who lived too much that only way out was death."

Jaemin grimaced his face with pain, sadly stroking Jeno's hair because there was nothing else he could. He loved his cousin, was manipulated and used by her, and ended up losing her as well. He knew the girl was a sly, cunning one the moment Jaemin saw her portrait: but she was a child, a child who was manipulated by her parents to earn her cousin's attention. What she did was wrong but she needed help. Perhaps she was too prideful to get help, just like Jaemin, and preferred a silent way to die without stirring more problems. How sickening it was that she killed herself but her parents lived, who were also butchered by Jeno. Was it the reason? Of course it was.

"Mark thinks I made her jump off or simply pushed her off. Too many people thought the same, to be honest," Jeno continued, twisting his face with arrogant flash of superiority. "Everybody thought I could kill a young girl and I thought why shouldn't I become the monster they made out of me already? Hyewon's true killers were her parents, so I started with them, slit their throats and left them to paint the pool crimson. Then new ones joined the list of victims, I killed our biggest enemies so they wouldn't be a danger to my son later, I killed bravehearts who challenged me so they wouldn't get bolder. A young girl was dead, what else did matter? Nothing for me."

Jeno's gaze was intense as he held Jaemin's hands and kissed his palms, too sweet that flowers grew from creases. "That was, until you. You came to my life and relit my desire to live, to love again. Once I saw your calico eyes, I knew there was no going back from you."

Jaemin shyly looked down at their hands, a smile widening on his face. Even Jeno had found a new reason and will to live again, what was stopping him? Nothing. Jaemin had already found his happiness in those hazel eyes and sheltered in his pupils. A mother that he lost, a lover that Jeno had lost and somehow, they were brought together by supreme powers to ease each other's pain and become one another's home. Home. Family. Serenity. Geon's laughter and his little plays and his toys that were scattered all over the castle. Jeno still had to explain his son the truth about his mother and even Mark who lacked some important informations but they could do it, Jeno could do it. He was no longer alone.

"The pistol... Was it hers?" Jeno nodded at his question but didn't talk about it more.

"Have you seen your mother?" He asked Jaemin, who nodded eagerly. Jeno smiled softly, brushing his hair away from his face. "Will you be able to cope with her absence?"

"I will learn how to," Jaemin confessed, because he still didn't learn. He just knew ways to focus on his new life and himself. He shyly asked Jeno while playing with his collar. "Will you be with me even when I get a little upset and maniac sometimes?"

"I wish I could heal all your scars but even if I can't, I swear that I'm going to make you so happy you'll forget about every bad thing you've gone through. I'll take you to stars and make you shine with them. Every human looking at you from the surface of earth will seethe with jealousy." Jeno kissed him lewd and wet, licking into his mouth. "My calico is no longer flying alone without his family."

When they pushed cockboat into sea again, paddled away from isolated island that would vanish after them, Jaemin kept looking at the sky with longing yet hopeful eyes. For he knew his mother was somewhere up there, always watching him from behind clouds, perhaps perched on a corner of sun. When she died, it was the last sunrise for Jaemin and sun never rose for him again. He used to feel drained out, so vacant that he wanted to tear himself apart. Emotions were hard to carry, but emptiness was impossible to deal with. But there was no longer emptiness. 

Looking at Jeno's handsome face, drawn by his own pain, Jaemin smiled hopefully and his wild pirate demonstrated his shiny crescents. They would watch the sunrise and ignore the sunset from now on because light should leave their life. They would follow the stars at nights and make out beneath sky dome. As they saw the ship and approached it, hearing their crewmates holler madly, they both knew that today was what mattered. They were alive, young, broken, hurt but as much as painful memories, they also had happiest ones. 

As Jeno held his hand while helping him climb, he knew with all of his heart that this man would never leave his side. Neither the mother who lived in sky and blessed him with golden urns of affection. Healing might never happen but he hoped, at least, his happiness would overweight the sorrow. With Jeno by his side, happiness could even become a permanent scar on his broken skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo basically Ursine is a temple of Guardians of Fate for those who are brave enough to meet whoever they wanna see in afterlife. If other crewmates tried to get into island, they simply couldn't. Pistol actually belonged to Hyewon and Jeno took it after her death. I didn't go too detailed about their story, just a short summary. 
> 
> Ilyrana is gone as it should! Nobody who harms children and innocents go unpunished in my world. 
> 
> It may feel like something is missing in this chapter but it's literally all I could write. I don't want to prolong and ruin rest of story. It was about Jaemin's suicide, seeing another chance in life and finally adapting to it bravely. And it is done. He may not heal but suns will rise for him.
> 
> I hope you guys liked this one!! Drop your comments and share your thoughts with me. Stay safe and take care pls. Thank you for all your support!

**Author's Note:**

> [new cc](https://curiouscat.qa/melsjeno)


End file.
